Hey Meredith and LL Readers,
I am a confident, independent 29-year-old woman. I moved from Boston to a city I love three years ago. I live by myself and have a great group of new friends here, as well as good family and friends from the East Coast. To top it all off, I got a promotion six months ago and love my job. The only thing that hasn't been great for me is my love life. After four bad year-long relationships in my early to mid-20s, I decided to cool it off and work on being my best self instead. I have been single now for two years. As most 20-somethings do, I did pass some of the time by going on dating apps, keeping it pretty casual, and making some new friends. I had the mindset that if someone great came along, awesome, but I would have fun either way.
Well, someone great came along and we have been dating now for four months. He is older (43), but we have a ton in common, he makes me laugh, and he challenges me. He is very successful and has no children or ex-wives because he's been focused on work in the past. But he does want marriage and children in the future. It has been easy and fun, but also substantial, progressing at a pace I think we both are comfortable with.
Here is my issue – he is being recruited for a very important position at a new company (think senior executive level). He'd be a plane ride away, but he would be crazy to turn down. However, he said he has been struggling with the idea of leaving me and us not getting our fair shot. I was devastated when he told me but understood, as we haven't been dating for very long and I appreciate him even including me in the conversation. We are exclusive, but there is no "I love you" on the table.
My questions for you and the readers: Is it silly to think this relationship might work long-distance? If the end goal is me moving there, does that undo all of my previous "independent woman" hard work? Does the age difference matter? What about the differences in stages of our careers? Has this move forced us to ask these questions and rush into things we aren't comfortable with and therefore going to ruin what we already have? Help!
– Navigating Distance and New Relationship, Not Boston
Long-distance relationships can work, especially when there's a plan to close the gap. It also helps when you can afford the travel, and it sounds like that won't be an issue. (I assume the senior executive title comes with a big paycheck.)
It also sounds like he's not moving tomorrow. Perhaps by the time he gets to this new place, you'll be more confident about what to do.
As for your independence, I'll say this: Being an independent woman doesn't mean that you're not allowed to make sacrifices for a good relationship. You can't be in a couple if there's no give and take. That's what partnership is all about.
There's nothing wrong with exploring this relationship if it feels right. If your gut is telling you to get on a plane, please listen.
Readers? What about the age/career difference?