Too Soon For The Talk?


When is the right time to have the talk? I’ve been seeing a guy for over a month now, seemingly exclusively (definitely on my end), and it's pretty special. We're both very open about our feelings about the other person. There is great chemistry, we talk about plans far in the future, i.e. planning things late into the summer to do together, but we're still very much in that limbo/new stage that I don't want to ruin by jumping the gun by having the relationship talk.

We both got out of serious relationships within the last 12 months, and I'm not scared about taking the next step — in fact, it's what I want – but I don't want to misread this situation and allow my insecurity about him finding someone better to take over. I love that we get along so well, have similar interests, make each other laugh, and have started to really open up and get vulnerable. And I can see myself being happy with him for a long time. But is it too soon? I have girlfriends who tell me I need to keep playing the game a little longer, but I know what I want, and that's to take it to the next level, not to continue casually dating for weeks to come.

– I Know What I Want, But Don't Want to Scare Him Away

"I have girlfriends who tell me I need to keep playing the game a little longer."

First, ignore these friends. Dating is not supposed to be some sort of long con.

Second, it's only been about a month. I'm not sure how much commitment you can really offer each other at this point. Sure, you can ask him whether he's actively seeking out other people to date, but wouldn't you rather hold off on that conversation until you're sure about your own needs? You say that you're eager to take the next step, but you're doing a lot of guesswork right now. You deserve some time to make sure that your feelings – and his behavior – are consistent.

If you're obsessing over his intentions and decide that you really can't wait, you can ask him, simply, whether he's looking to date others. It's a pretty specific question, and a less monumental version of the talk. It's not about big promises, just a discussion about how you feel in the moment.

Readers? The talk? Too soon? What about her friends’ advice?

– Meredith