I met this guy in one of my classes. We got very close, and as the weeks passed, we would stay up talking every night. We talked about everything — from our families to what we wanted in the future. I started to develop feelings for him because a guy friend had never been this good to me. All of the other guys I've met only seemed to want one thing at the end of the day, no matter how charming or nice they were. This guy was different. If I was having a bad day, he would proceed cautiously, ask if I was OK, and go out of his way to make sure I felt better. He recommended I listen to a few songs – love songs – and after a while I asked if they had any meaning. He did a complete 180 then and was very defensive about it. So he stopped for awhile. Our friendship continued for a few weeks and I decided to break it to him that I had strong feelings for him. He was very nice about it but he said he didn't want to date. He really insisted that we stay friends, and that not being able to date was about him, not me.
After I told him how I felt about him, our friendship continued. Nothing changed, and it wasn't awkward at all. He left for an internship, and on the night before he left, he called to say goodbye. I was relieved because he said something along the lines of "I will see you when I get back," and I was happy that I would have the space I needed to move on and truly be able to think of him as just a friend. But a few days after, he started calling me again as if nothing ever happened, and of course I gave in and talked to him. Months into his trip, he started sending me love songs again – this time playlists. One day, I was having a really bad day, and that night he called to see how I was doing and proceeded to stay up with me and console me.
If I tell him about the dates I've been on with other guys, he gets upset/mad but he won't show it. If I don't answer his calls, he will reach out even more to ask if I'm OK. It's been torturing me that he never really answered my question about whether he feels the same way about me. Did he not want to date me because he didn't want to commit? Am I just there to feed his ego? Do I continue being friends with the guy who rejected me (even though at this point I still have a huge crush on him)?
- Just Friends?
"Did he not want to date me because he didn't want to commit?" Unclear.
"Am I just there to feed his ego?" Possibly.
"Do I continue being friends with the guy who rejected me (even though at this point I still have a huge crush on him)?" No. You do not.
The status quo isn't working, so you have to walk away. You don't need any more playlists – or mixed signals and rejection.
It's time to tell him that while his attention is nice, it's not enough to make you happy. Explain that you must call this off so you can deal with your unrequited feelings. If he cares about you, he'll understand.
It'll be difficult to live without his calls and consolation, but the void will be good for you in the long run. Without your "friend," you'll have space to consider your options. Maybe some of those guys who seem to want "one thing at the end of the day" actually want a few things, including a nice relationship. Maybe you'll find that your platonic friends can help you with your problems without introducing new ones.
Set a boundary. You know it's time.
Readers? Does he reciprocate? Is it time to let go?