‘What the heck is going through his head?’

I've been a widow for almost a decade. My friends always asked me when I was going to join a dating website to meet someone. I guess I was never ready, but finally this past March I made the move and did join. I met a guy two years older than me. By the second date he wanted us to be exclusive, but since I'd been out of the dating scene for so long, I said no. I wanted to see what was out there. Plus, he was going through a second divorce and had always had a woman by his side. That was a red flag to me right away, but my friends told me everyone has baggage and not to judge.

We continued to date. I wound up not seeing other people and assumed he would do the same, only because of how he treated me. He was extremely affectionate toward me, took me on weekend getaways, bought me jewelry and flowers, told me he loved me, and said he would never would leave me. We made long-term plans, talked about moving in together, traveling, etc. But I stopped seeing him when I found out he was also dating someone else. He would always text me saying how much he missed being with me. I started seeing him again thinking the other woman was gone, but she wasn’t. Eventually he broke it off with her on the phone in front of me. We were doing well after that, but then he texted me again saying it was over between us. I didn't understand because everything was going well.

After one week, he texted me again, saying he wanted to be with me. We got back together again, but once again, after only a week, he texted me again saying the feelings aren't there for him and he's moving on. I am completely confused by this guy. I'm happy I put myself out there and got back into the game, but I'm baffled and was hoping you could explain to me what the heck is going through his head.

– Baffled


It sounds like this man likes to pretend he can get answers to big questions as soon as he starts dating someone. He wanted to be exclusive after two dates. He wanted to plan a future after a few months. He's been all about extremes, going from everything to nothing within the same week. How long would you have been able to put up with that kind of behavior? How would you have been able to trust it?

Sometimes relationships are messy in the beginning; people ask for too much, overlap new relationships, or say the wrong things because everything is uncertain. But his drama has been ongoing – and exhausting – and now he's walked away.

Don't try to get into his head. You don't have to understand his motives. All you need to consider is what this experience taught you about what you need next.

– Meredith

Readers? What happened here?