He Wants Her To Be More Active

We'll be taking Monday off. Have a good weekend.

And now another settling letter ...

Dear Meredith,

I have been seeing a man I met online for about six months. He is 42 and I am 29. We both have never been married and do not have children (my family is not thrilled with the age difference).

Very early on in the relationship he sat me down to have a talk about our status. It lasted hours and we hashed out a lot of issues. The previous few weeks before "the talk" were hard on me — I had a car accident, my mom was hospitalized, and my grandfather died. He was unhappy during this time and I had too much on my plate to notice. Little did I know he was evaluating me and our relationship. His previous relationship lasted four years and ended last summer. He feels as though he wasted too much time on relationships he should have ended sooner.

One of the complaints was that I do not have what he deemed an "active lifestyle." I am naturally slender (neither in perfect shape nor out of shape) and tend to enjoy more indoor activities like reading and craft projects. He enjoys running, rock climbing, surfing, and mountain biking, etc. I recently started running in order to have more in common with him. He also has other hobbies and work engagements that cause him to travel quite a bit. I am alone a lot. I do have my own life, but I would like a partner who's there for me more. Am I wasting my time in a critical environment where my needs are not met?

– Feeling inadequate


This guy pretty much told you that he already fears that he's wasting his time with you. Meanwhile, you're running when you'd rather be crafting. I'm all for sharing hobbies, but it sounds like you've become more active to avoid criticism. That's not the best reason to change your lifestyle.

You didn't tell us what you like about this guy. You end this letter by admitting that your needs aren't being met. Isn't that the answer to your question?

Go find someone who makes you feel good.

Readers? Any reason to stick around?

– Meredith