My boyfriend and I have been dating for two-plus years and living together for five months. We care about each other a lot and feel very comfortable with one another. I haven't felt this way about anyone else, which makes this particularly hard. I've felt like he's taking advantage of me and he can be too selfish at times. I noticed some of this before we moved in but it has become more obvious to me since we've been living together. When I think of the future, I don't know if this is what I want anymore as a result.
Some background of our situation: About a year and a half ago, I became unhappy with my job. That has caused some issues in our relationship and a lot of fighting around it. I have since changed my approach to work, which has made me happier and it has prevented work from getting in the way of our relationship. I'm looking to change careers so waiting it out at the current job for now.
Our jobs are about an hour from each other (without traffic) and we tried to find an apt in the middle. It didn't work out that way, and we moved a bit closer to his job. My commute is now an hour longer each way and his is 10 minutes longer. I'm also paying more in regards to our monthly expenses since he makes less money. I feel like I am sacrificing more and it's starting to weigh on me.
I have discussed how I feel with him several times in the last few months. He does make an effort and tries but it doesn't feel like enough to me. He tends to bring up my job as the remaining underlying issue and asks me to give it more time. I know it takes time to get used to living with someone for the first time. Am I giving it enough time or am I jumping the gun before I should?
I decided to break up with him but he has been trying hard to get me to stay. He's made an effort with cleaning and buying me flowers (for the first time in our relationship). I find myself being torn about what to do. Any advice?
– Should I stay or should I go?
You need to get more specific about your needs. It's nice that he bought you flowers, but is that what you want? You want a new apartment, right?
It sounds like you require a move – soon – so that you can have an easier commute. It also sounds like you're uncomfortable paying the bulk of the expenses at this stage in your relationship. All of that is OK. You just have to be clear about your terms. You need a different place and the same bills.
You didn't tell us much about the good stuff (besides the comfort thing). If there's still love and attraction, it's worth giving this some more thought. Think about how you'd feel if he told you he was open to a second move and wanted to make your life easier. Would that be enough? If so, make the request and see if he gets it. He might not be able to promise a move tomorrow, but he should want to start looking at apartments and other ways to make this living situation work for both of you.
Readers? Is this about the apartment? Is this about money? What should she do? Should they move again?