Married and thinking about the woman from the bar

Hi Meredith,

A while back my wife was away on business. On one of the nights she was traveling, I went to an event with a friend and then stopped at a popular bar in my neighborhood by myself to grab dinner. At the bar I sat next to a very attractive young professional woman who also lives in the neighborhood (let's call her "K"). K was there with a girlfriend, but quickly strikes up a conversation with me. The three of us are engaged in great conversation for much of our time there. However, it was very clear K and I developed chemistry, and her friend seemed fine being in the background. I was there for a couple of hours and barely touched my food because I was so caught up in talking with K. The eye contact we had with each other reminded me of when my wife and I first met. K and her friend left shortly before I did; she kissed me on the lips before leaving and told me she really hopes to see me around the neighborhood. After K left, I kicked myself for not asking for her contact info because she's someone whom I really wanted to stay in touch with at the very least.

Even as my wife returned home, I couldn't get K off my mind for days. I've had no luck connecting with her on social media as she has a common first name and I never got her last name. The other day I saw K and her same friend coming out from the same bar. She looked even more physically attractive than I remembered and I was so tempted to hustle up the sidewalk and talk to her, but I refrained. Again, I've been kicking myself since because I really wish I had run up to her and hopefully re-establish a connection with the goal of exchanging contact info. After seeing K this time I haven't been able to get her off my mind again. I have a feeling I will bump into her again, but chances are it'll also be when my wife and I are out together. At this point I'm unsure how to proceed, whether I should just let the thought of her go, or how should I act if I happen to see her again (with or without my wife present).

— Neighborhood Encounter


Are you asking me how to have an affair? Are you asking me how to connect with K?

Because it sounds like you are — which means you're really missing the point.

Go talk to your wife and tell that you're having problems. Suggest counseling so you can figure out why you wrote a 398-word letter about a woman named K that mentions nothing about your marriage. I mean, do you want to be with your wife? Before K and that night at the bar, were you happy?

Your homework (besides the counseling) is to write a second draft of this letter, but exclude K. Make it all about your marriage. It's the only letter that matters right now.

Readers? What’s happening here? Can you answer the letter writer's questions?

— Meredith