He Gets Agitated

I have been dating a man for one year, and we moved in together in February – perhaps a bit too quickly. Shortly after moving in together, after a very fun outing and dinner with friends, we were sitting on the couch enjoying quiet time together at home. He fell asleep, and I (completely accidentally) hit his ear with my elbow while turning around. Upon waking up, he was very agitated, and got upset when I didn't immediately apologize. This minor incident lead to a big argument and name calling (on his end). I got very upset by this, and think this sowed some initial seeds of doubt for me.

We were largely recovered from this incident until this past week, when we were taking a nice walk together through our neighborhood. When we hit a busier part of town, the boyfriend seemed to get increasingly agitated. When I asked what was wrong, he expressed annoyance at my slow walking and meandering with no destination. I think he was overwhelmed by the activity around him and basically took it out on me.

I was upset, and this lead to a serious status-of-the-relationship conversation, during which he point-blank asked me if I loved him. I said that I was not sure and felt confused. Days later, he told me that the warm feelings toward me are gone, largely because of my uncertainty about my feelings. He seemed to shut down. It seems that he doesn't trust me to stay. I'm not sure what to do. Should I try to convince him to work on our relationship a bit longer? If so, what do we do? Or should I give up and move on?

– Seeds of Doubt


It's time to start apartment hunting.

We all have moments where we overreact or become short-tempered when we're insecure, but your boyfriend is making this his routine. Based on what you've told us, he isn't even apologizing for his mean streak. He's just acting out in an effort to sabotage the relationship.

His warm feelings are gone, and you're waiting for the next argument. Your best bet is to get yourself to a more comfortable living situation. For now, you don't have to work on anything but that.

Readers? Can they fix this? If so, how? Or is it time to move on?

– Meredith