Good morning. I hope you got to see the update from our friend whose boyfriend took another girl to the Cape. Doesn't sound good. Today's letter is about pot and a woman who smokes it. Help a guy who calls himself Press.
Hi there...I'm hoping that you and or your readers can help me with a problem. About six months ago I met a girl that I am starting to really fall for. When we first met, she was in another relationship, so we were not spending allot of time together. She has since broken up with him, and we have started to spend some more time together. My challenge is that she uses marijuana everyday. Not for medicinal purposes...She just likes to be high. Sometimes she will smoke in the early morning before work, almost always at night when she gets home, and I'm assuming during the day on weekends. When she smokes, it changes her personality. I have brought my concerns to her attention, but to no avail. My question: Do you think someone can kick this habit for a relationship, or I am hoping for a miracle? Also, have any readers had a similar experience? A little background: I'm 38, she is 27. We are both white-collar professionals with active social lives that involve us being in a bar once or twice a week. We both drink a little more than socially, though we are working on that. I have smoked marijuana in the past and will occasionally, maybe 3-4 times per year. Any help would be greatly appreciated...I know I can’t have an on-going relationship with her if it persists. -- Press, Boston
Thank you for being the first reader to admit you drink more than socially. Honesty helps with context. Marijuana habits are difficult to address, mainly because they’re more socially acceptable than, let’s say, a cocaine addiction or sniffing glue. Regardless of its appropriateness, she’s self-medicating. The morning stuff is especially upsetting. The fact that she can’t face work without a wake and bake is troubling. You say pot changes her personality. You also say she smokes all the time. That makes me think you don’t actually get to see her real personality very often. How well do you know her? After six months, what is it you're falling for? I’m not saying she can’t change. Frankly, I think she’ll have to curb the weed use as she gets older. But she may not be ready yet -- and you’re 38. Tell her that you’re trying to curb your over-use of substances and that you wish she’d do the same. Tell her you’re anxious to be the kind of guy who only drinks socially and smokes pot twice a year to giggle a bit. Tell her you really like her but (I’m going to steal your words here). “I know I can’t have an on-going relationship with you if your behavior persists.” I can’t say I have high hopes, but it’s worth telling her how you feel -- that you have a foot-and-a-half out the door. It may be that you fell for her during a stage of your life that is now, somehow, over. Readers? Thoughts? Will she be able to have her last dance with Mary Jane? Can she set her monkey free? Share here before I run out of drug euphemisms. -- Meredith