Going from Venus to Mars

Hi Meredith,

I have a dating dilemma. For more than 10 years I have dated women. My last relationship of several years ended and I started to consider men again. My family and friends are supportive no matter who I date so it's not that I feel pressured to date men by any means.

Recently I decided to go out with a guy. I was up front at the get-go that I have dated women and men. I thought it made more sense to at least put it out there so that he wouldn't be blindsided down the road.

I am really attracted to him and we plan to see each other again. So here is my dilemma: I'm scared to let myself date him because I'm not sure if we'll have chemistry physically or if I'll come to the conclusion that I'd prefer to date a woman. I also don't want to hurt him if this turns out to be true. But I have found myself excited about seeing him again, and part of me wants to let go and just see what happens.

– Confused, Massachusetts


I give you permission to let go and see what happens. My advice would have been to tell him that you've dated women, but you've already done that. If you decide after a few more dates that you just can't be with a man right now, he's not going to be shocked.

I am really attracted to him and we plan to see each other again. You don't sound like you're faking any excitement there. You're just as clueless and hopeful as anybody would be after a few dates. Good for you.

Enjoy. And remember, dating is weird and confusing and scary after the end of any significant relationship. You've told him what's what, and that's all you can do.

Readers? Any advice for this letter writer? Is this what dating is like for everyone after the end of a long relationship? Should she have told him about the women? Can I remind everyone not to sign their letter "Confused"? It makes me confused. Discuss.

– Meredith