Love Letters: An Update and a Question About Sparks

As I mentioned on Friday, Love Letters readers are invited to this screening. I haven't seen the movie but it was filmed here, so we can check it out together. Just print the ticket and we'll meet at the theater. If you have questions, I'm at meregoldstein at gmail dot com.

Also, another reminder: When you send your letter, make sure you tell me where you're from.

I hope you enjoyed Wednesday's updates. Today's letter is an update from someone who second-guessed her breakup. She also has a followup question.

Hi Meredith,

I wrote you a while back about my breakup and how every time we ended things he'd come back and be awesome, etc. The readers were a little harsh and I found out that he even stumbled across my letter and it was eye-opening for him, to read their comments, etc. He did reach out to tell me that he was wrong to try and convince me that he could change. Shortly after I moved out and we broke up, he was in a new relationship and they've since gotten engaged (within the same year!!) and bought a house. Better for them, and better for me in the long run.

My new issue -- or should I say lingering -- is that I just don't feel it anymore. Anything. I feel like the last relationship, paired with my only other long-term relationship before that, has depleted all my feelings. I'm exhausted from giving, and the idea of even being in a relationship again is so unappealing. That's not to say I don't want to get married and have kids and be happy, I just don't know how to get there again. Keep in mind that I am seeing a therapist and we talk occasionally about this issue, but like other therapists I've seen before, it's an issue that's kind of brushed aside because they think I'll be OK. I'm a super outgoing person and I have no problem being single -- I have a life filled with family, friends and activities -- but I hardly ever meet anyone who incites that spark of interest and I wonder if it's me or if it's the people I'm meeting.

It's been two years already, and while I've had some fun little flings, I just get more nervous as I get older that I'm never going to find that feeling again -- where I give it my all and am head over heels. I don't know if it's because I've made bad choices in the past and I'm just subconsciously hesitant to try, or if I'm just one of those people meant to be alone but surrounded by people who aren't significant others. Or do you think this will change when I finally meet the "right" person?

– Where's the Spark?, Cape Cod


I'm with your therapist. This will sort itself out.

You're allowed take time off from dating if you've hit a wall. And really, it's not as though you're home alone in bed refusing to go out and have fun. You're just enjoying single life and taking your time. That sounds pretty healthy to me.

Just know that sparks come in all shapes and sizes. It might take a few dates before you see one. Sometimes the delayed spark is the one that sticks.

As long as you continue to be social and meet new people (and have an interest in flings, etc.), you're OK. Sometimes it takes a few years to find what you want.

Readers? Is this taking too long? Is she really open to the spark? What about her definition of spark? Any thoughts about the ex?

– Meredith