Have a very good Thanksgiving. I am thankful for this comments section (most of the time). We'll be off tomorrow with an update or two on Friday.
Again, we're looking for holiday updates from former letter writers. Please email your update to Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com with "update" in the subject line. Tell us what happened after you wrote in – and whether we were any help.
I developed a crush on a trainer at the gym where I work out, and he seemed to like me back. We spent some quality time together, but I think I was trying too hard and came off as egocentric and needy. He started giving me less attention.
When I realized that, I asked him out and he said "another time." About a month later, I told him that I liked him a lot and asked if he was interested, and he said no and that he was in a different stage of his life than I am.
The next time I saw him at the gym, he was very friendly, but I pretended to be indifferent. The time after that, he noticed my presence and started flirting with other women. I saw him again and he pretended he did not see me.
After that incident, I left the gym and did not go back for three weeks. I don't know what to do. I've paid my membership for a whole year and I do not want to lose my money. And I do still like him. What do I do?
– Working it Out
One of the most important life skills is the ability to deal with rejection and move on. People get rejected all of the time. They must learn to bounce back from failed relationships, even if they have to see their exes (or crushes) every day.
Unless all of your dates are with strangers from apps, you will wind up having to face some people who couldn't reciprocate your feelings. If you accept that as a fact of life, you might do a better job of coping with your reality.
In this specific situation, you must accept that this trainer doesn't have any romantic interest in you, and that he was clear about why. It's your responsibility to be civil when you see him. Try giving him a nod to show him that you want him to be comfortable (it's his workplace, after all). Give him space, and stop assuming that his interaction with other people at the gym has anything to do with you. He's just trying to do his job.
Find other things to focus on while you work out. Bring a good magazine, or make an incredible playlist. I promise that after a while, with a new routine, you'll forget he's even there.
Readers? New gym?