I'm 31 and I've been married for a few years, but with my wife for eight. In the past I've wondered if maybe I only stayed with her so long because I didn't want to hurt her and I was too polite to end it. We have a toddler and one on the way.
The last year or so has been a challenge. I think we are both lonely, but I recognize it more than I feel like she does. Sometimes we fight, but the fights never get resolved. Each of us just avoids the other and then we don't talk until the next day, or whenever. I've been contemplating asking her for therapy, but I'm not sure it's worth it. We don't really have much in common, and we don't have much to talk about. When I talk she mostly ignores the things I tell her, and when she talks I get bored. Sex rarely occurs, and it's mostly if I persist. I'm thinking maybe we should split up before the kids get older and it becomes harder, but I can't bear the thought of not seeing my son every day, and I cry thinking about him missing me and me missing him. Is that a reason for us to stay together, unhappy?
To make matters worse, I can't stop thinking about a single coworker. We have a lot in common and we enjoy each other's company. I don't know if she feels any kind of way about me or not, and I can't plan to leave one woman just to go after another. I just need advice. Do I tell the other girl how I feel? Do I tell me wife about the other girl? Do I separate to try it out?
– Please help!
Somehow I knew paragraph three was coming. There's always a paragraph three with this kind of letter.
I understand that you have a big crush on this co-worker, but she's not part of the equation right now. You want me to endorse the end of an eight-year relationship because you have the hots for someone at work, but I can't do that. Sorry.
Therapy is very worth it, because it'll give you the chance to talk about what's missing in your marriage. Starting a family and dealing with young kids can be hard on a partnership. There's little time and energy to focus on why you got together to begin with.
The good thing about the co-worker is that she's made your needs clear. You miss conversation and interest. You miss shared experiences. Take that information to therapy with your wife. Put in some effort.
Readers? Is he already out? What about telling the co-worker how he feels?