‘I haven’t heard from him in over a month’

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Hi Meredith,

I dated a guy for almost a year and he ended up going back home, overseas. He has plans to work in another country and eventually move back to the country where we met, albeit in a another state. We have never discussed what would happen in the future and said we would "keep in touch." Apart from a couple of text messages, I haven't heard from him in over a month. I sent him a few messages that he hasn't replied to, and basically I have been ghosted.

In the last message, I mentioned I had a couple of weeks off and maybe I could see him in his home country – but no reply. In a way I understand; he doesn't see a future with me. But why wouldn't he just say that instead of ghosting me? Needless to say, I have feelings for him and want to work something out. I think it may have been my fault that I wasn't open with him about how I felt and what I wanted. Would it change anything if I emailed him about how I feel?

– Ghosted


His nonresponse is an answer. You've been enthusiastic about keeping in touch, whereas he's been distant. Detached. Busy. That means you're done (for now, at least).

You shouldn't blame yourself for this. I'm not sure that pledging your devotion would have changed the plan to "keep in touch." Also, you have been open about how you feel. By sending those messages and telling him you can visit, you've let him know you're still hoping for a relationship. It would be nice if he responded with a clear note about his intentions, but ... he's showing, not telling.

You can email him, but please know the communication probably won't change much. Go ahead and write your note, but then wait a day or two (or three) before you hit send. You might realize it's a message best left in your drafts folder.

– Meredith

Readers? Does there need to be an email exchange?