I don’t want to move for him

My boyfriend and I met five years ago. We were in college at the time, but eventually he dropped out, which meant the relationship was on hold for a year until I graduated. Once I did, we were back together in the city where we're both from.

A month after we were together again, he got a job opportunity in another state, which means we're back at square one: Distance. This man is my best friend. I very much want to be with him.

For the past month, we've discussed my moving to where he now lives. Before making the decision, I wanted to talk to my boss. During the one-on-one, my boss offered me a promotion (only three months into the job!), and it broke my heart because it's my dream job. He could transfer me to an office in the state where my boyfriend lives, but I'd have to start over in the pipeline in that office. No promotion. If anything, it'd be a demotion because it's a smaller office.

I've gone from "ready to move" to "hold up I need to rethink this!" My thoughts: My family is here! My dad is getting older. I'm getting the promotion of my dreams right now. But ... I love this man beyond words and I want to marry him. I can't see myself without him. We have been through so much together to get to this point.

He says he is done with the distance, and it's either I move there or this relationship is over. I KNOW this will be the man I marry but he is running out of patience and wants me to move in two months. I can't sleep. He isn't willing to move back home. It's his way or the highway. I don't know what to do!

– Stuck


If your boyfriend has no intention of moving home at any point, you should end the relationship. It sounds like you want to be close to family. The right partner will understand that need.

Also, if he's unwilling to compromise – if this is all about him and it's truly his way or the highway (a one-way highway, at that) – you should walk away and prioritize yourself. I understand he's frustrated with the distance, but the deadline is a bit much. If he believes he can get a job where you are – or that you could get a better job near him if you spent a few more months looking – he should allow for that time, without the two month demand. The deadline is an ultimatum, and you don't need that right now.

You didn't explain his job and whether it would be horrible for him to move home, which is another reason I think you should consider whether you're really ready to plan your life with this person. You just don't sound like you're in a place where you want to make decisions with someone else in mind – and that's OK. It just means that it's a good time to try life on your own.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to move or be single?