They Want Open Relationships

Hi Meredith,

I'm 26, gay, single, and in my last year of medical school. I haven't had a serious relationship since college, and feel like I have been on a hamster wheel of short term relationships, hookups, and first dates.

The one thing that has been bothering me lately is the rise in guys I have been with who either talk about or want non-monogamous, open relationships. While I know this shouldn't bother me in the early stages of any relationship, it's kinda a buzz killer for wanting the relationship to develop further. Am I unrealistic in my quest for a long-term monogamous relationship? It seems ironic to me that at a time when we are nearing full marriage equality, my large group of gay friends aren't interested in what I thought marriage was all about. Am I expecting too much?


You're not expecting too much, and it is possible to find someone who wants a monogamous relationship. My assumption is that some of these guys will change their tune once they meet a partner they don't want to share.

All you need to know is that your dates are open to all possibilities. If they tell you, "I want an open relationship," you can say, "I'm at a point in life where I don't know what I want. I just want to see where this goes." If they can be on the same page about that, great.

Also know that this could be an age thing. If you're dating and hanging out with people in their early-to-mid 20s (or students), it might be tough to find peers who are thinking of commitment. This will probably change over time. People evolve, and so do their wants and needs.

Readers? Should he have a second date with someone who wants an open relationship? Is this an age thing?

– Meredith