My friend’s boyfriend kissed me

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I went out with my three best friends. The boyfriend of one of those friends joined us. He wasn't supposed to come with us, but then the plans changed.

Some background: My friend's boyfriend had feelings for me first, but I wasn't interested, and then my friend tried her luck. I wasn't happy about them getting together because he is a trashy person and I knew he would hurt her. And he really has a few times. He even cheated on her a couple months ago but she forgave him.

On this particular night, though, we all drank – and got drunk. The friend whose boyfriend was with us went home because she was angry with him. Later, the rest of us decided to go home. The boyfriend decided to take me home. I was too drunk to think about my decisions, and when we were alone, he grabbed me and started kissing me. I don’t know why, but I responded. I have never had feelings for him; now I'm disgusted by the thought of it.

I felt bad almost immediately and stopped. He tried to kiss me again, but this time I said no. I stopped him. I was so embarrassed and still am. I couldn’t forgive myself, and the next day I shared everything with my friends.

My friend (the one with this boyfriend) and another friend are angry with me. The third best friend understands and has been supportive. I am so alone in this moment. I know I deserve everything that is happening to me right now, but I hope that one day things will get back to normal. How do I move on from this?

– Sorry


Listen, you were right about this guy. His behavior sounds inexcusable. The only reason you were alone with him was because he'd already upset his own girlfriend enough for her to leave.

You have been absolutely transparent with your friend about everything that went down. You have tried to make this better. Your friend decided to make you the bad guy, even though her own boyfriend has repeatedly betrayed her. Really, she should be more focused on how her boyfriend behaved the minute you were too drunk to make good and clear decisions for yourself. Instead, it sounds like she went back to making excuses for everything he does.

You can let her know (in writing) that you'll give her space. Then you can back off and do your own thing. Hang out with the friend who has supported you (if that's an option right now), and check in with others. Your friend might come back to you – I bet she will, especially after a breakup – but she has to get there in her own time. By then, there might be anger on both sides, so give yourself time to process all of this.

Stop blaming yourself for what happened. You do not need to friend's forgiveness to move on; that's about her, not you. Something tells me that the person who should be worried about his role in all of this isn't stressing about it at all.

– Meredith

Readers? What does "getting back to normal" mean for this letter writer?