‘Am I making sex too important?’

We chat at 1 p.m.

I am a single mom of a 5-year-old and I am very picky about who can come near my little girl. In November, one of my best friends brought a friend out to meet me. Anyway, that man and I clicked that evening. We traded numbers and he texted me that night, asking to go out. I was thrilled. We did go out, he kissed me, and after three weeks I had sex with him. He is so in love with me and I fell for him too. We are such a great match and we love the same things.

But there's this one problem: Sex. We do have sex every time we sleep together, but it's just ... well, a little boring, and I'm very ... passionate, so it's not what I like. Am I making sex too important? I do want to stay with him, as he gives me so much love and we connect on all the other levels. What do you think? He is 42, I am 38.

– Almost perfect


Have you talked to your boyfriend about your sex life? If not, you must.

I wouldn't recommended listing all of his bedroom mistakes (please avoid the word "boring"), but you can tell him what you like. It's a good time to be specific – and to show him. If you continue to ignore the issue, he'll keep doing the same thing over and over, thinking you like it. You should also ask him what he likes, because it's very possible he's been shy about his bedroom hopes and dreams.

You asked whether you're making sex too important, and the answer is no. Sex is a big deal, so you should not feel bad about wanting to make it better. Assume that this kind of conversation is a necessary part of the bonding process. Show him that when you talk about this, the two of you get closer.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this an important problem? Maybe he thinks it's boring too?