Can’t stop snooping during quarantine

I believe we are officially in the snooping stage of quarantine.

Have a safe weekend and send letters to loveletters@globe.com.

I did something really bad. I snooped through my not-really-boyfriend's phone. We are 23, together on and off for years.

I was curious, bored, and had the opportunity. I didn’t trust him – plus, maybe I wanted closure to keep myself from the getting-back-with-him cycle. He has a child with another woman and just told me last weekend about an entirely different woman he met when he traveled abroad last year.

He is my childhood sweetheart and we did a back-and-forth relationship during college, and now live on opposite sides of the country. I flew here and quarantined with him, at his request.

I keep snooping and finding terrible things. A love letter from his child's mother and a picture of the other woman he met. We have been fighting over what I've found this whole time.

He works a terrible Silicon Valley job that requires crazy hours and focus. I feel awful that we fight about my snooping during his limited free time, but I'm glad that I always manage to keep the house in order during the week.

But Sunday morning I broke into his phone again and I hated everything I saw, plus I got greedy being on there too long and he caught me. I wanted the truth so badly; it felt electric to be in control when I looked through his phone. But I don’t remember him ever being so mad. I'm so full of regret. I can't believe my lack of self control.

I told him I'd make his decision easier and take myself out of the running. I think that was the right call. But now we live in a tiny apartment on the other side of the country from all of my support and loved ones. But I really shouldn't fly yet. Also, I really hate the thought of leaving him on these terms and in this environment. We were best friends for so long. I can't believe I did this.

– Back and forth in the Bay Area

Quarantine life is not helping the snoopers, it seems. That might be because we're all experiencing an acute lack of control. We have no idea when we'll feel normal again (whatever that means), so we find other ways to get answers – about anything.

Of course, you already know what's going to happen at the end of this stay-at-home order, right? You’ll end your relationship and get out of there. Still, being in control of that phone makes you feel electric. Just remember that it also makes you feel ashamed and miserable.

Flying is a risk right now, so try to approach this housing situation like it's a staging area for the next great phase of your life. What will you do when you get home? Who will you call first? What kind of person will you want to date? What will you wear? Plans are nice, and they'll remind you that this is temporary. You're quarantined with the wrong person, but it is not forever.

Find some privacy in that home, listen to music, do some journaling, and please, come up with some people to call when you get that snooping itch. Honestly, there is no mystery here. He invited you to California because he didn’t want to be alone, and you were someone who could provide temporary partnership (and physical intimacy, yes?). This was never about planning a life together.

He is not your best friend; he’s your ex. Please remember that, and as soon as it's safe to get out of there, go.

– Meredith

Readers? We've got another "but we're best friends!" situation. Help.