To celebrate our upcoming Love Letters/Extra Bases party (June 4 – RSVP at firstname.lastname@example.org), Hyde Park’s own Red Sox star Manny Delcarmen agreed to read some of my letters and to give some advice.
Your challenge for the day is to read, advise, and decide whether Manny makes a good Meredith.
I have a dilemma. My wife and I have been married for seven years. When we meet she was a gym rat who looked like an aerobics instructor. We got along great and everything in our life was great. After two years we were married. Ever since then she stopped going to the gym and put on approximately 50 pounds and has no motivation to go out and be social anymore. I feel like a hermit and when I do go out, it’s usually solo because she doesn’t want to. I am also having a problem with her weight. I realize it’s shallow of me, but I can’t get around it. It has had a profound effect on our intimacy. I am not attracted to overweight women. I brought this up to her and it upset her greatly as well as crushed her self-esteem. I’m at a loss here and don’t know what to do. I wish she would work out again but she doesn’t seem to want to.
– Weight a Minute, Andover
My husband stays up all night and sleeps all day. He’s 26 and I’m 28. We’ve been married for three years. Several months ago his work reduced his hours so he just works about four hours a day six to seven days a week and he picks up odd jobs doing landscaping or moving for extra money when he can. I didn’t notice the sleeping issues as much during the year while I was in graduate school and fell asleep exhausted every night and woke up early every morning. He plays with a band and says he needs to stay up these nights rehearsing for shows that are weeks away. Now that I am on break though and am home during the day, I am realizing that he sleeps until at least three or four every afternoon. He refuses to get up and do even the simplest thing like walking to the grocery store or just having lunch in our apartment together. I feel alone and abandoned. Is he depressed or just doesn’t love me anymore? What should I do? I got angry at him last night and told him that I couldn’t live like this anymore and wanted a divorce but I am scared to be single and to become involved with another man. I would much rather be with him if he could just get his butt out of bed during daylight hours and do anything with me. We used to have a blast together even if it was just dancing in our living room. We haven’t done that in years now.
– Vampire’s Bride, Boston
I have been dating a man for the past year and a half. Recently, he proposed. Given my demographics (female, Master’s Degree and gainfully employed, never previously married, no kids but want kids, and 34), one might assume I’m thrilled. I’m not. Instead, I’m totally freaked out. Don’t get me wrong — he’s attractive, fun, and even responsible. He has a son from a previous relationship, and he seems to do a fair job as a part-time parent. I’m just not sure. I keep thinking, well, I don’t want him to go away forever, but is he really “the one” I’m going to spend the rest of my life with? I know it’s so junior high, but I’m wondering, how do you know if he’s the one for me? My friends keep saying, You’ll just know!” but given the complexities of trying to imagine building a life with someone when we’re both well into our 30s doesn’t exactly inspire a throw-caution-to-the-wind atmosphere. Instead, this advice just feels irritatingly amorphous. And it does nothing to quell my anxiety about living in love limbo, where I’m afraid to let go, but also afraid to commit all the way. Any advice for how to become unstuck?
– Love Limbo, Boston