Love Letters: An Extramarital Kiss

Hi Meredith,

I am a longtime reader of Love Letters. I think I need a wake-up call from you and your readers.

I am friends with a woman I see at business/industry events. Friendship was immediate and easy and we could talk about anything. We are both married -- me for more than 20 years and happily, and her for more than 10 but her marriage is so-so. We spent a lot of time talking about it. Long story short, we kissed one night. But we both stopped it there physically and that was the extent of it. Since that night, our communication has been sporadic (mostly text, which she loves and I am not a fan of), and the few times we've seen each other, she seemed uncomfortable.

I wish we could talk things through. She does not seem to be able to have a full conversation about what happened. I have no problem acknowledging that we have obvious feelings for each other but both realized we can't pursue it. I get frustrated as I feel like she wants to occasionally text to know that I am still around but I miss our friendship and the ease of our conversations.

I feel stupid that we might have blown a friendship over a kiss. I try to be respectful and polite when she texts, but I am a talker and feel we need to get everything on the table to pick up the friendship we had. Am I delusional thinking that is possible?

– Gotta Get Out Of My Head in Bedford

You don't need this friendship. You're attracted to her, you kissed, and now she's turned into a bad communicator. Your relationship was at its best when you were bonding over her so-so marriage.

It's possible that she doesn't want to talk things through because she's afraid that the conversation will lead to another kiss. Or maybe she's so horrified about what happened that she just wants the memory to disappear. Or perhaps she's protecting herself so that her feelings for you don't grow. Respect her boundary.

It's wonderful that you're a talker and a fixer, but it'd be better to find a friend who's easy to talk to but has no interest in kissing you. Those friends are the best.

Readers? Can the friendship be saved? Should it be saved? Why does the letter writer want it saved?

– Meredith