Dealing With a College Crush

Again -- I'd like to run updates from letter writers on Thanksgiving. If you are a former letter writer, please send a note about how you're doing and what happened with your problem. Send the update from your original email address (or include it in the note) so I can confirm that it's really you. Also tell us whether the advice helped.

Hi Meredith,

I'm a 19-year-old college student with very little dating experience. I met a guy at the beginning of this semester and was instantly crushing on him ... a lot. In fact, I have never been more interested in anyone.

When we first met, we had a few short but nice and flirty conversations, but now we haven't spoken in a month even though we both participate in the same extracurricular club and have a class together (although we always sit near one another). The closest we have been since the initial encounters was adding one another on Facebook.

At this point, I'm not even sure he really cares to get to know me, even as a friend. Part of me wants to just give this up, but I also don't think I've really given this enough of a shot to get over it.

Should I leave things alone or make a push for anything? If so, what should I do?

– Infatuated and Confused


If I had a flux capacitor or a Hot Tub Time Machine, I would use it for many things -- including going back to 1998 when I had a crush on a guy at my college who used to sit near me in class and draw pictures in his notebook. I used to sit behind him and just watch, thinking I wasn't cool enough to talk to him because my bangs hadn't fully grown out and I wasn't an art major.

Years later I found out that he would have been happy to talk to me. He was a nice guy -- just shy. I'm not sure that we would have hit it off at all, but I should have just said hello.

For those of us who have no magic time machines, please approach your guy and ask him if he wants to hang out. Say, "Hey, what are you up to this weekend?" Then ask for what you want.

There is no worst-case scenario here. If he's not interested, you get to move on.

Readers? Any reason not to just ask? Is he interested?

– Meredith