I'd like to run updates from letter writers on Thanksgiving. If you are a former letter writer, please send a note about how you're doing and what happened with your problem. Send the update from your original email address (or include it in the note) so I can confirm that it's really you. Also tell us whether the advice helped.
And now a good Friday question.
I met "Jack" online and we've been seeing each other for about one month. I like him very much. We are both in our 30s and live in the city. All signs point to us having real relationship potential. We've been out several times, met some of each other's friends, text each other every day, and occasionally talk on the phone to catch up. We both took down our profiles.
Last weekend he slept over at my place. It was nice.
Here's what has me questioning whether I should ever see him again:
Last night he had me over to his place for a home-cooked dinner and Netflix. Dinner was delicious and he did all the dishes -- so romantic. We cuddled up together on the couch for a movie and he gave me a massage. Perfect date so far! Before the end of the movie, we go to his bedroom. That was great.
Then, as we are lying in each other's arms, he starts yawning and talking about how early he needs to get up for work the next day and how he is sure I also need to wake up early ... and basically suggests that I should go home! He didn't even walk me to the front door of his building. At 10:30 pm, I had to walk three blocks to the train to get home.
I felt so stung. The next morning I still feel awful. He keeps texting me as usual, thanking me for a "great time" last night (which sounds so crass now) and telling me about his morning at work.
If he knew he didn't want me to stay over last night, I wish he had made that clear before I came over. Or had not hooked up with me. Or had at least been more considerate about the exit -- he could have called me an Uber and walked me to the sidewalk.
So, finally, my question: Do I confront him in the hopes that this was some clueless oversight or do I block his number and give him the fade because he is clearly a cad and he made me feel cheap? Ever since I left his place I have been barely resisting the latter option.
– Kicked Out
He gets a pass on this one -- for now. Not everyone assumes that sleepovers are cool on weeknights in the beginning of a relationship. And depending on where he lives, he might not have thought much of a walk to the train at 10:30 p.m. Yes, he should have escorted you to the front door (I bet you would have walked him to your front door or called him a car had he been at your place), but let's give him the benefit of the doubt.
See him again and communicate. Let him know that you're not into bedroom stuff if it means having to throw on clothes and run to the train 15 minutes later. Tell him that you'd rather be able to sleep over and relax.
Also do the mirroring thing. When he leaves your house late at night, offer to get him an Uber. Bring the chivalry and set an example.
It was a weird night, but not everybody gets it right in the beginning.
Readers? Dealbreaker? Do you have to sleep over after sex? What’s the protocol for getting someone home after dates?