Who Should Apologize?

We chat today at 1 p.m. for real.

Hi Meredith,

I've been in an exclusive relationship with this guy for almost three years. Things have been great, except for the occasional fight that all couples experience once in a while.

However, two weeks ago he came home late from work and I found this strand of red hair on his black fleece. I became suspicious since he doesn't have any female coworkers with red hair and he is usually quite shy. I asked him, "Who is she?" to which he answered that he didn't know what I was talking about. Things escalated and I started cursing at him, which I normally don't do, until he told me that he thought the checkout girl at the local grocery store had red hair (he had stopped by there on the way home). He had the receipt from the visit and I grabbed it from him before going to the grocery store to see the person for myself. It took some time but I was able to verify that the hair was most likely from the clerk.

But things have not been the same since. Neither one of us has apologized for our actions, and while I personally think I am more to blame in this specific instance, I still feel that he was insensitive.

What would you do in this situation ?

– Did I Overreact?


What would I do in this situation? I'd apologize profusely and make an appointment with a therapist.

You saw one hair on his fleece and decided the guy was cheating. I mean, do you know how many weird things I had on my shirt yesterday just from being in the office? Can you explain why there is a weird, dried-up Junior Mint on the side of my gym bag? Sometimes, just by living, we wind up with a pretty girl's hair on our fleece. This is why there are lint rollers.

You have to ask yourself why this single strand of hair caused you to turn into Sherlock Holmes, running to the grocery store to check out the evidence. Is there something wrong with the relationship? Have you been unhappy? Why did you jump to this conclusion?

After apologizing, spend some time thinking about what happened here and how you really feel about this guy.

Readers? Did the letter writer overreact? Does the boyfriend owe an apology? What happened here?

– Meredith