Sex After 50?

If you didn't see the post-Christmas updates, they are here.

Hi Meredith,

I am over 50 and I have been dating a great guy of the same age for over three years. He has been there through thick and thin as I have had some stressful and difficult times over this period. We click on many levels and we have grown into best friends. We have not settled on a plan for living together although I think that will happen at some point.

But we have issues with our intimate life. He does not seem very interested in sex. Our sex life started out OK but has gotten worse over time. He can't describe to me anything that really gets him romantically excited, which hurts. He is not great at expressing his feelings in general and this might be part of the problem. So I feel like he is performing a chore and doing his duty. It makes me feel undesirable which I know I'm not (slender, fit, decent looking for a person my age). I know I need to ask for what I want, but I can't make him find me sexy.

It makes me sad to think that I need to settle in the intimacy department to stay in this relationship, but is that life over 50? Any ideas?

– Not Ready To Give Up On Sex

Life over 50 doesn't have to be this way. There are plenty of guys your age who would be thrilled to have sex with you. They might not all be amazing best friends like your current partner, but you never know.

If the physical part of the relationship is missing and your boyfriend doesn't seem concerned or willing to work on the problem, you must consider moving on. He sounds like a wonderful companion, but you want more than that. You want to be wanted.
Tell him where you stand with all of this, and ask him whether he's satisfied with the status quo. Find out what he wants for the future so that you can decide whether it sounds appealing.

Be kind -- because shaming him won't help anyone. The safe question to ask is: Do we want the same thing for the rest of our lives?

Readers? Should the letter writer settle for less sex? Can you fix this problem after three years?

– Meredith