Am I Overthinking?

Come to our screening on Wednesday.

Dear Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. This is the most serious and healthiest relationship I've ever had, and he says the same. We are happy and in love. I'm basically a part of his family and he is a part of mine.

I'm 25 and he is 31. We have talked about moving in together and we both agree that is a serious move and should immediately precede engagement. However, at this time, we have no plans to move in together.

My questions are common but I need to hear an outsider's advice. How and when do you know if this is the real deal? How do I know that just because our relationship is happy and healthy now, it's going to be happy and healthy forever?

I'm asking because he wants to move and start a life back in his home state soon (in 1-2 years or so) with me. The idea excites me, but also scares me. This is all some serious stuff, and new to both of us. Being with him feels right and I know he would be an amazing husband and father. What if it doesn't feel right anymore -- after I've made serious decisions like moving away with him and getting married?

Maybe I'm thinking way too far ahead. I just don't know if I should continue investing in this because of the uncertainty that lies ahead. I wonder if I'm just overthinking, as I've never been faced with such difficult life decisions before (by the way, I tend to overthink everything). Also, is it a bad sign that he hasn't proposed or that we don't live together?

– Excited But Scared


You are overthinking like a champ and trying (unsuccessfully) to create problems where they don't exist. Why would you be worried about a proposal if you guys have already talked about when to get engaged? Why are you looking for bad signs?

There are no guarantees in life so you'll never know for sure whether your relationship will be "happy and healthy forever." All you can do is trust that you both have the best intentions. And you do, right? It sounds like you're both pretty committed to making this work.

If you need to discuss your plans for cohabitation before the move, go for it. But when you talk to your boyfriend, please be calm. Because there is nothing wrong here. You're in an awesome relationship with plans for the future. As you put it, "being with him feels right." You just have to figure out the details.

Readers? How can she stop overthinking? Will her questions be answered over time?

– Meredith