Thinking About My Summer Love

Come to our screening tomorrow.

Hi Meredith

I'll try to keep this long story short. This past summer I briefly (two weeks) saw someone who was from outside the U.S. Let's call him Summer Guy. He wasn't here long and I hadn't dated in a while so I told myself I would just indulge in a fling for once, but he turned out to be really amazing and I fell pretty hard for him.

After he went back to his home country we stayed in touch, messaging less and less as time went on, but we still talk occasionally since we're both at similar places in life (finishing grad school). I accepted the fact that I'll probably never see him again and that he'll remain just a once-upon-a-time summer romance. Or so I thought.

Fast forward to now. I'm in a relationship with someone else and it's going well. He treats me well, enjoys doing a lot of the same things I do, and is supportive of me in every way. But I can't help thinking I was way more invested in summer guy, who started messaging me more often again recently. I find myself comparing my new boyfriend to him, and I worry about them finding out about each other but have no idea why.

Am I only doing this because I'm wondering what could have been? I've been seeing my current boyfriend a lot longer than I saw summer guy, so the fact that I'm still attached to him is worrying me. Is this a reason to break up with my current, great boyfriend? I can't seem to convince myself to because I really do enjoy spending time with him... but some part of me tells me I might be settling.


– Glued to WhatsApp

I don't know enough about your current relationship to tell you whether you're settling. I also don't know enough about Summer Guy's messages to determine whether you two are really connected or just bored.

But I do know that you don't want to break up with your boyfriend. You "really do enjoy spending time with him" and you're still getting to know him. If you were with the other guy this past summer, you haven't been with your boyfriend very long.
I also know that no matter how amazing Summer Guy seems in his messages, he wouldn't be as magnetic if he turned into an all-seasons partner. It was easy to fall for him because it was a passionate, short-term romance. Who knows how you'd feel about him if he were here every day?

My advice is to force yourself to limit/stop the interaction with Summer Guy so that you can figure out whether you can have some of those messages and moments with the man who's actually here. You haven't been able to concentrate on your boyfriend because of the distractions. It's time to figure out whether the relationship is good enough on its own.

Readers? What is she getting from the messages? Does she really want to be with the boyfriend?

– Meredith