April Updates

Someone asked me about updates. Here are a few before we take Monday off for the holiday.

First an update from a recent letter writer who had questions.

I wrote in a month ago about my significant other, and I must say that he has stepped up his game. I am happy and content with our relationship, except I don't know how to just relax and enjoy it. We see each other almost every weekend. And we talk everyday ... I just don't understand why it's so hard for him to actually say I'm his girlfriend. We have been together now for almost eight months, and when I asked what we were doing, he said financially he wants to be in a better place to take care of the both of us. I have a good job and I can support myself. Is that just an excuse? Or should I trust that he means it? I know I have insecurities I need to work on, but I am scared of getting hurt, and fear that I sabotage things before I let them happen.

Also, I appreciate support and honest feedback (the commenters who just say things like "crazy psycho" aren't helpful.) Just giving a piece of my mind ...

And now an update from a letter writer who was holding out.

Hi Meredith,

In the summer of 2013, John resurfaced once again. We hadn't spoken for over a year because we were both upset that it didn't work out with us back in 2011.  He called me out of the blue to see how I was doing and it took me a little while to get back to him. I was afraid to get involved with the situation and to get hurt once again.

But, as always, curiosity got the best of me and I eventually called him back. We had several long discussions about what went wrong last time, and what we both learned from the experience. We both had a serious relationships in the interim, but both admitted that we missed each other during that time.

We started talking again pretty regularly on a friendship level. When he came back to town for a visit, we spent some time together and the flame was rekindled. Since early 2014, we've been an exclusive couple, talking every single day and alternating between monthly visits up here and in his state.

One of the biggest things I learned from the situation is that I was not understanding enough the first time about his finances and how expensive it could be to own a house, etc. I definitely had some growing up to do and can certainly empathize with how expensive life can be now that I'm on my own. It's not so simple to drop everything and hop on a plane at a moment's notice.

Happy to announce I am currently in the process of planning a move to within an hour of him to figure out once and for all if this is something that can work long term. Thanks to all those who commented, and for your advice, of course!

Take care,
Happily ever after....hopefully!

The last update is from someone who wasn't really with his partner.

Thanks for the advice from you and most of your readers. Even though I did not give any details, some readers were correct on the Indian connection. Bonus points to the reader who assumed that the woman in the letter probably looked like Padma Lakshmi. She is more beautiful than Padma and that's probably what enchanted me.

On to the real reason of this update. I did take the advice to heart and let her know that the situation was untenable. There were many nights of crying, accusations, etc., and we probably made out more times in the month of January than in the entire past two years.

We now see each other just at work and occasionally as friends. She and the ex-husband are trying to work things out. I have a new girlfriend and I don't see myself writing for any more advice :) I have now learned to cook. My girlfriend is also a good cook and has been introducing me to recipes she learned from her Italian mom. It's good news all around (at least for me).

Thanks to Meredith and other helpful LL readers. There were a few mean comments, but life is good.