Fell For a Married Woman

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Though a regular reader, I never thought I'd be a contributor.

This past June, at an end-of-year staff get-together, I sat on a bench with a co-worker who began to tell me of her broken marriage. She had been married for a couple of years and they have a child. Her marriage was not a happy one, and she mostly felt like a single mom (her words).

That night I drove her home, and though there were obvious strong feelings on both sides, I resisted any physical hookup. I'm no Prince Valiant, but it just didn't seem right at the time. Following that night, we began regularly chatting online, texting, etc. And though there was no physical contact, things were clearly heating up. Sometime in February, things became physical. Feelings have continued to develop. I'm sure at this point you (and our fellow readers) know where this is headed. She tells me she loves me regularly, and I have no reason not to believe her. I know I love her. I have feelings for her that I have never had before.

As a single man, I have long said that I didn't want to date someone with children because I never believed that I would be able to love those children as much as I would my own. However, this situation has completely turned me around on that idea. I know the easy advice (and the easy move) is to tell her to make up her mind, set an ultimatum, and let that be it. But I'm scared to death of pushing her and losing her. Her marriage has not improved, though she keeps saying he just needs another chance. Every time he steps up for a few days, he turns around and spends his nights playing video games again. As for me, I'm losing my mind. Adding to all of this is, of course, the fact that we work fairly closely together and I can't just say I'm going to stop seeing her. Please advise. And quickly.

– Hopelessly in love with the wrong person


Tell her what you want (to be together as a family, etc.) and then walk away. You need to clear your head, and she needs to face reality so she can figure out what she really wants.

It would be one thing if she knew she planned to leave this man, but she's told you that she wants to give her husband another chance. How can she do that if you're in the picture? How can you sit around and watch her try?

Accept that if she really wants you, you'll hear from her – when she's single. For now, she's not yours to lose. Set some boundaries so that the only time you see her is at work – with others around.

Readers? Ultimatum? Can he continue this?

– Meredith