Married and Thinking About Her Ex

We chat at 1 p.m.

Longtime lurker, first-time writer. I'm in my early 20s and my husband is just about 30. We've been married for over a year now.

Over the past couple of months, I've been thinking non-stop of my ex. My ex and I were on and off for over a year or so, and last year I had taken off for a work destination trip and I happened to run into him at the same hotel. Words were exchanged — I did not mention to him I was married or that I was seeing anyone. I felt horrible knowing that I had a devoted loving husband waiting for me at home. After a few drinks, kisses were exchanged and I ended up in his hotel room for the next couple of nights. We spoke a lot during our time together about how things could have been different and how he truly felt when we were dating. After those nights together we left it at that and went back to our busy lives. We would occasionally exchange messages here and there, and he would want me to come visit him.

There were many missed calls and unanswered messages from him. I decided it was best to cut him out of my life in order to continue my marriage. Now I find myself wondering what if. I think about the future we could have had together and what we would be like now. I know this is twisted. Please shed some light and help.

– Brakes or Keep Pedaling


I'm sort of stuck on the fact that you told us nothing about your marriage. All we know is that your husband is 30 – and that he's devoted. Why did you marry him? What made you think you wanted to be with him forever?

You need to get into therapy and talk about whether you're really ready to promise your husband a lifetime commitment. Not only did you cheat on that trip, you pretended you were single. What would stop you from doing that again?

For the record, this is less about your ex than it is about you. Sure, there are some what ifs when it comes to that relationship, but your real problem is that you might not be up for this marriage. Stay away from the ex and get the help you need to make decisions about the present.

Readers? What about the what ifs?

– Meredith