Should I Move 2,000 Miles Away For Him?

I am looking for advice, even at this late date. He is 69 and I am 60. He's been through two marriages, and I've been through one long-term marriage and a long live-in relationship that ended when my boyfriend died after a long illness. I stayed with him and cared for him through everything with no regrets.

Not long after his death, I looked at the calendar, saw 60 looming, and decided that it was now or never to look for someone else. After a few false starts, I met a loving, caring man who fell hard for me, but he was 2,000 miles away. As he does not fly, I have flown there to see him nearly a dozen times in a little over a year. He has wanted me to come live with/marry him since we met. Our relationship is such that we would have been living together almost immediately if we didn't live in different time zones.

Between us we have grown children but no grandchildren. Both of us are still actively working. So here's the question: Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay in New England because I've never lived anywhere else and my kids are here? Or take a chance and move because that's where he lives?

– Move?


If you're on the fence about the big move, just continue the visits and see how you feel in another few months. You didn't tell us much about his place or whether you like his lifestyle. It sounds like you need more time/information before you pack your bags for good.

Over the next few months, as you take time to think, consider all of the uncomfortable logistics. If you moved, how would you deal with the finances? Would you have your own space? Would your kids feel welcome there? Talk about these issues together to make sure you're on the same page.

Also, try to extend some of your visits. Is it possible to go out there for three or four weeks to see how it feels? It'd be easier to make this decision if you had enough time at this guy's place to get into a routine.

Readers? Should she move? What does she need to consider before taking that risk?

– Meredith