Our porn bill

Hi Meredith and LL community,

My question is about how to approach a topic with my boyfriend without turning it into a embarrassing conversation (not so much for me, but for my boyfriend). We are both in our early 30s and have just moved in together. Overall, other than the usual adjustments (cleaning, etc.), we've been getting along great and there are no huge/new issues. Except for the porn.

Now, before the pitchforks come out, I'm not against porn. I watch it alone and sometimes we watch it together. I have zero issues with him watching it when he feels like it. (It doesn't disrupt our sex life, and that's all I'd really be concerned about.)

This morning, I went to pay the cable bill and it was EXPENSIVE. There were a bunch of "thank you for your purchase" notifications, and it listed the names of the movies he ordered. The thing is, those movies are like 13 bucks a pop. I'm wondering what is the least embarrassing way to say, "Hey, honey, please feel free to use my laptop to watch what you want, instead of racking up the cable bill." I'm happy to teach him how to clear the search history (he's not very technical), so that for now, he can at least maintain some sense of privacy for his porn viewing pleasure ... instead of me seeing them. I believe we can share plenty in our relationships, but we don't have to share it ALL. I don't want this to feel like I am shaming him, I just don't want to pay a bunch of money for porn when there's so much for free.

– Thank you internet


If his interest in porn was a big secret, you'd have reason to stress about this conversation. But you guys watch this stuff together. The only thing he might be embarrassed about is his inability to use your laptop on his own.

Tell him about the cable bill and then explain how you get porn at a discount. It won't sound judgmental because you'll be reminding him that you watch, too.

You can start by suggesting that you watch something together, which will give you a reason to bring out the computer. That's a good time to have the conversation – when you can be distracted by something else as soon as it's over.

Readers? Should she be concerned? How should she talk to him about this? $13?

– Meredith