I broke up with him for the fourth time

I'm struggling with my breakup, which was my decision. In fact, this is the fourth time in two and a half years that I broke up with my boyfriend. He's an amazing guy and has done nothing wrong, which makes it that much more difficult. He loved me completely and wanted to spend his life with me. We are not kids – I am 60, he is 57. We have a lot of things in common, but there were some difficulties, namely with money (he has nothing and works very hard and long hours doing a job he doesn't enjoy). The sex was good, but not great.

Both of these issues were concerns of mine pretty much from the beginning of the relationship. Over time, I started shutting down, and eventually became a shrew, getting upset with him for every little thing. I couldn't stand myself or the way I was acting, which is why I broke up with him this last time. The times before, he was devastated and wanted nothing more to get back together, and I regretted my decision and went back. But every time, it was the same. Now he is done and is moving on, and I am sick over it. Of course, I don't blame him – because I was awful to him. But I’m now wondering whether there's something wrong with me – or was it just that I didn't love him enough? He's very upset and doesn't even wish to speak with me, which is so different from before. I don't want to hurt him anymore, but I am miserable and wondering if I blew a relationship with the best man I have ever had in my life.

– What should I do?


Please stay away from this man. If you want to do some self-exploration about why you weren't happy, talk to a friend or find a good therapist. You don't need to date this guy again to figure out why it didn't work. All you can do is trust your gut and move on.

It's tough to be the bad guy/breaker-upper, but please know that letting him go is the good-guy move. Whenever you're having doubts about walking away, remember this sentence: "I couldn't stand myself or the way I was acting, which is why I broke up with him this last time." You're supposed to like yourself when you're around your significant other. If you don't, you have to walk.

If this is how you feel and behave in every relationship, you should absolutely consider talking to a professional about your motivation. But if it just didn't work with this particular guy, give yourself a break. Sometimes two good people just aren't compatible.

Readers? Why is she having doubts?

– Meredith