Here are three holiday updates. The first is from a very recent letter writer whose date got drunk.
It's certainly been interesting reading the responses even though I ended things with him. I never expected people to take the comment about sharing stories over wine with friends so seriously! I guess I expected to go on my first date and have it go terribly that it would make for funny stories to share with friends.
I think I should have worded the letter slightly different, since I don't mind if someone drinks since I drink too, but I knew eight drinks is just way too much. To me, drinking that much regularly is something that people do in college, not in their 30s. Even friends of mine who drink considerably more than I do were surprised that he could drink that much and that he continued after I mentioned that it bothered me. It actually felt like I was being tested and he seemed like a completely different person. As much as I hated that he kept drinking, I didn't want to tell him to leave or call him a cab since I worried about how he'd react. It seemed like the safest option was to just have him sleep over rather than worry about him making it home safely.
The second update is from a woman whose friend's husband was on Grindr.
Hi, Meredith. I had written "My Friend's Husband is on Grindr” in September. Here's an update: Marissa's sister was scared of what Marissa's reaction would be and asked me to tell her what was going on. As expected, Marissa defended her husband. However, she still spoke with him about the accusations. He denied it. Ever since, he has become increasingly emotionally distant, yet extremely controlling. Her anxiety and depression are through the roof as a result, but she is still trying to hold her marriage together as Tom goes further and further away. I also wanted to clear something up with the readers, as I saw a lot of comments stating that I was interfering where I shouldn't. Marissa and I met the first day of preschool. We went to elementary school, middle school, and high school together. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and an usher in her older sister's wedding. I am a member of her family, as she is a member of mine. Thanks for your advice. I wish the update was happier!
The last update is from a woman who worried she'd live with many cats. She also needs some advice.
I wrote in about ending a relationship and being worried I'd made the wrong choice (and ending up with cats). It will be two years in January since we ended things.
I don't have any more cats then when I wrote, although I am up one horse. I have been on a few dates but nothing that's stuck. But actually, I find I'm very content living my life, focusing on my hobbies, and hanging with my friends. I actually don't remember ever feeling this at peace and comfortable in my life. So adding a relationship to that mix feels a little bit unnecessary, if that makes any sense. I'm happy. So that's where I am with it.
Regarding the ex: Since we ended things and I wrote in, I got a new job in the city (which I love), I sold my house, moved several towns away from where I was to make the commute more manageable. Where I live now is quite a bit closer to his home. I also treated myself to a new car. So not much of what he knew about how to find me was the same. However, I passed him not long ago pulling into a parking lot. I saw him, and thought to myself it's a good thing that I was in a new car and he wouldn't recognize me. Well, clearly he knew my car and turned around and pulled in behind me. We chatted for a bit and it became clear that he not only knew that I had sold my house and moved, he also knew where he lived and had driven by my house several times during the bad snows last winter. I guess he wanted me to know he was watching out for me. I bought the car in the summer so clearly the drive-bys went past the snowstorms and into the summer months for him to recognize it. We have one set of mutual friends but they swear they offered him none of this information.
I'm trying to think of this as him being him, and it is out of kindness – he is an over-the-top care giver type – but I'm having a hard time thinking it's not creepy and kind of sad. Since this encounter I find myself watching the cars that pass by. I think I've spotted him a few times driving by. It's a fairly main road so it may be completely innocent, but I can't be sure.
What do your readers think? Had he not told me I wouldn't have even known, but on the other hand I don't really want him knowing when I do have someone new in my life. Thoughts? Am I making too much of it?
Readers? Thoughts? We'll take tomorrow off. Have a safe and happy holiday. - Meredith