It's phone snooping week. Actually, every week is phone snooping week on Love Letters.
I've been with my boyfriend going on two years now. I seriously saw myself marrying him. About a month ago, I was hospitalized and I found out I had an STD, and he immediately blamed me for it. I never cheated, let alone thought about another guy while I was with him, so the fact I had an STD was alarming. We got into some fights and he ended up showing me his phone, but not in depth ... just the names of who he had be in contact with.
Since then, things have been good, so I have had no real reason for snooping through his phone. But my family has been planting doubts in my head, and because I "mysteriously" got an STD, I checked his phone while he was sleeping. What I found was that he had initiated a conversation with a woman. He told her that he thinks about her and was wondering when she'd be in town. It's definitely an inappropriate conversation. I'm not sure what to do. I live with him and I know if I confront him, he'll be really mad (which I understand), but I don't really see an option that will save my relationship. Help.
– Worried and confused
You randomly got an STD after two years of being in an exclusive relationship. Sure, some STDs can lie dormant for a long time (talk to your doctor about this), but you have every reason to have trust issues right now. For the record, I think it's interesting that he showed you his phone. Was that a subtle acknowledgement that he'd been unfaithful? Did he ask to see yours?
I told yesterday's letter writer that as soon as you break into someone else's personal messages, you're basically saying that you're ready to end the relationship. In your case, the same is true. You checked his phone because you were looking to leave. What you found validated all of your suspicions. This would be a harder question to answer if you had snooped and found nothing.
Tell him what you did and have a talk about why you're still together. Don't focus on saving the relationship. Right now, your only goal should be honesty.
Readers? Was this phone check justified? Is it possible that he didn't cheat?