My boyfriend’s best friend is an [expletive]

We chat at 1 p.m. today.

Hi Meredith,

I am writing to you today because today is the 10th time that my boyfriend has gone out with his best friend (a pot-smoking arrogant [expletive]) in three weeks. My boyfriend and I have been fighting because of this. It all started three weeks ago when he went out with him, got high after 40 days of being sober, and came back and told me all about it. I was mad and he promised he'd never do it again. Now we live together, and it's hard for me because he constantly goes out with this guy every other day, or pretty close to it, and says he should be allowed to because he spends all his time with me. But he doesn’t. Whenever we're together he's usually watching TV, on the phone, or playing video games.

I don't know what to do. He tells me my anger isn't justified. My boyfriend hasn't found a job yet and leaves all the bills to me and my family but is constantly making plans with friends. Also, his best friend hates me so I can't join them.

– Annoyed


Forget about the friend for a second and focus on these two sentences:

1. "Whenever we're together he's usually watching TV, on the phone, or playing video games."

2. "My boyfriend hasn't found a job yet and leaves all the bills to me and my family but is constantly making plans with friends."

Those seem to be the real problems here. You resent the financial setup, and he's barely present when he's around.

Have a talk with him about those two issues, and leave the friend out of it. Something tells me that if he spent more time looking for work and was more engaged when he was in the same room, you wouldn't freak out when he made plans with his best friend.

If he dismisses your concerns, you must rethink this relationship. Maybe living together has shown that he's not what you want.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this about the friend or his behavior at home?