We'll chat at 2:30 p.m. today – a little later than usual.
I have been dating this amazing man long-distance for about seven months now. He mid-40s, I'm mid-30s. We both have been married before. He has two grown children, I have none. When we first met, I asked if he was divorced and he said yes, so I had no reason to doubt. His family lives in another country, and he lives there for them and for work, yet almost every weekend he flies two hours to see me, even just for 24 hours. He buys me expensive gifts, takes me to fancy dinners, plans vacations, and talks about us getting married and having kids together.
Something, though, wasn't feeling right for me, because I had not met anyone from his life – no friends, family, nothing. Not even through email or Facebook. I asked him about this, and he said he hadn't told his daughters about me because he's afraid they won't accept it. I didn't understand because he's been divorced for six years.
Anyway, I began to do some research online and found his ex's Facebook page. The background picture was of the family – all four of them – away for Christmas together. During that time he was messaging me and sending me pictures nonstop. I confronted him and he now swears that they're separated ... he told me that he got married at 22. He cheated on her twice, and each time announced that he wanted a divorce. Both times she was hospitalized, and the second time the daughters swore that if he ever sees anyone else, they want nothing to do with him.
He said he has his own place in his home country and they haven't "been together" for six years. I don't doubt his feelings for me one bit, and I understand why he didn't tell me the truth because he knows I would've never spoken to him if he did ... but ... I can't seem to get it out of my head that I'm taking him away from his family – that I'm breaking up a home.
What I don't understand is why the mother would put his pictures on her Facebook page. Is the separation only in his head? He looks miserable in the pictures on her page, and they're always on opposite sides of the picture, but I just don't know what to do. We talked and I told him I need him to come up with a plan because I can't go on like this. How can I build a future with someone who can't have a future with me? I just don't know what to do ... he is everything I ever prayed for and I thought that it was my time to finally be happy ... but I'm not so happy right now.
– Not happy
"How can I build a future with someone who can't have a future with me?"
You can't. That's the answer. This man has done nothing to change his situation, and he's proven that he'll tell a thousand lies to keep you around. Even if he comes up with a "plan," you won’t be able to trust it. You're going to continue to open that Facebook page and stare at his wife's pictures, hoping to find some hidden meaning. You don't want that to be your life, do you? That's not what you prayed for.
End this now, before it gets more complicated. Don't let him woo you with fancy gifts and dinners; it needs to be over and there's no room for negotiation. Before you get too caught up in missing him, try to go on some dates with people who live in town. Prove to yourself that this man is not your only option.
Readers? Any reason for her to stick around?