1. For people doing summer reading, a reminder that we're hosting Jane Green's book event next week. It'll be right by the water, so you can make a night of it. It's free, bring friends, etc. RSVP here.
I'm a little confused. I met this guy years ago while I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. He's a Marine and stationed in Japan; he came home over the holidays and we spent every day together. He was adamant about being in a relationship. I'm young and had just gotten out of a four-year relationship that just destroyed my outlook on being in a couple, but with his smooth talking and handsome face, he convinced me that a relationship was a good idea, so we started dating.
He had to go back to Japan and I was ready to wait for him. A few months went by and everything was great. Then we got into an argument – and his way of dealing with it was to ignore me for a few days. So I finally said something – and for me this was huge because I'm not a girl who talks about her feelings to anyone. I'm a very private person. But after I aired my concerns, he starts saying how he wants more and how it doesn't feel like a real relationship to him anymore (even though he's the one who convinced me to want a relationship with him and he was the one pulling the plug). So we broke up but he said he doesn't want to lose me fully. We talk every day and he's due to come home in the next couple of months. Now, I have absolutely no expectations for anything when he comes home because I don't want to get my hopes up, but usually we share casual conversation and Snapchats. We don't call each other babe or still say I love you, but the last couple of days he's been more affectionate than normal, calling me babe, saying he misses me, and calling me love. I guess what I'm asking is, what is your take on this, how would you react, and what should I plan on for when he comes home?
– He's coming back
Plan on him trying to resume what he had with you – but only until he leaves again. He's getting friendly because he knows he's going to see you in the flesh. It doesn't mean he's any better at maintaining a long-distance, loving relationship.
If you were just looking for a hookup and some attention, I'd tell you to enjoy his company when he's home. But I have to advise against it because you know you want more. You don't want to have to go through this breakup all over again. My advice is to stay away, or at the very least, ask him directly: "What are your intentions? Why is it any different now?"
Whatever happens, please don't let this experience stop you from sharing your feelings in the future. Talking about problems is a good thing (within reason), and often reveals the true intentions of others. It allowed you to find out that this man wasn't 100 percent in. Being private doesn't mean you have to stay silent.
Readers? Should she get her hopes up? What will happen?