I want her to be my girlfriend

I met a beautiful girl six months ago at my gym. We're both in our late 20s. She's from another state and moved to Boston five years ago with a now ex-boyfriend. We hit it off immediately. Hung out constantly (it helped that she lives 30 seconds away). We truly enjoyed each other's company. But after a few months I felt like I was into it more than her. I wanted to get serious, and she turned me down (after I wrote her a note saying I'm leaving because she didn't put in effort). She told me she was emotionally unavailable and couldn't commit to me.

We got back together after a few weeks. She told me she could only see me casually. She was very busy with work and was also thinking about moving away again, and said she didn't want to string me along. I left her for the second time, for a week or two, and eventually came running back.

Now I sleep over her place quite a bit and cuddle all night, but she won't give me what I want. We are VERY different people but I am incredibly attracted to her, possibly enough to change my view of what my type is. She's lethargic and likes to be couch bound all weekend. I never stop moving and can't sit inside for more than five minutes. However, when we're together, we get along great (although I'm usually the one to make plans). I know she finds me attractive and likes being with me, but I want her as my girlfriend. Basically what I'm asking is: Should I leave her for good or ride it out?

– Leave for good?


Um, leave now.

Much like Thursday's letter writer, you are spending all of your brain power on someone who can't give you what you need. You're not even enjoying a friend-with-benefits situation; you're pretty much always left wanting in every way possible.

I know that ditching a big crush is easier said than done. In your case, you like the companionship, and maybe you even like the game of wanting what you can't have. You must distract yourself by doing all of the activities she'd never want to do (go climb a rock or something), and then look for other women who like to do the same things.

Keep reminding yourself that busy is good. Busy will keep you from empty cuddling. Empty cuddling is the worst.

– Meredith

Readers? How relevant is it that she lives 30 seconds away? Makes it too easy, I think.