I want more sex

Hello,

I am a 38-year-old woman dating a 46-year-old man. I have pretty much been unlucky in love. I am the type of woman men want to date and sleep with, so I have never lacked in dates, but few want to commit. I think my issue is that I tended to chase lust rather than true love, and now I have finally found it.

My guy proposed and he is amazing in every way but one – he has a low sex drive compared to mine. I will admit mine is very high and always has been. I would like to have it every day, which is why I usually date younger men. He is good once a week. He is otherwise affectionate, and when we have it, it is satisfying. But when I try to initiate on other days, he is too tired, or watching TV, or you name it. He will sometimes say, "Oh, if you want to we can," but at that point it seems like he pities me, so I have lost the desire. He does not have performance issues or anything like that. I would be wiling to compromise to every other day, but I cannot do once a week, and I am unhappy. I think we are just mismatched in this department. I think that as he gets older it will only get worse. Do I stay or do I go? We have discussed it and he is trying, but I can tell he really does not want to do it.

– Every day


I don't know how long you've been with this man, but if sex has been a problem from the start of the relationship, you should rethink the engagement. Sex is a big deal, and if you're always unhappy about it and feeling rejected, the relationship is doomed. It doesn't sound like you've been able to come up with a real compromise. It's also telling that your entire letter is about this one problem; you didn't tell us about other qualities that make up for the issue.

Your email also suggests that you decided this relationship was "true love" because this man stuck around. I'm sure you do love him very much, but perhaps you embraced this engagement because he wanted to commit.

Be honest with yourself about what you'll want in another decade or two. People's sex drives do change over time – no one can guarantee you sex every day, forever – but it helps if you go into a marriage satisfied with what you have.

– Meredith

Readers? Deal-breaker?