After a first date, she’s ‘busy’


I'm in my early 20s and matched a girl on Tinder back in 2013. Although we never met, we occasionally texted each other for fun. Last month I finally asked her out and she agreed. We went to dinner and a movie, and at the end of the date we kissed, and she even pulled me back in for a second one. We went our separate ways but she said she had a nice time.

I honestly thought it was the best first date I had ever been on, and really thought we had a connection. I texted her the next day asking her to grab coffee, but she said she was busy but that we should hang out that week. Long story short, over the next two weeks I asked her to go out on three occasions and each time she replied, "I'm busy then, but how about [blank]?," only to have her be busy then, too. Normally I would accept this as a brush off and move on, but that great first date and the fact we kissed twice (which I feel you wouldn't do if you knew you didn't want to see the person again) has left me confused.

It's possible she actually is busy, but odds are she doesn't want a second date, but it begs the question why? Should I be straightforward and ask her about it, or if it's something I did? Or let sleeping dogs lie and assume I just was a hopeless romantic about our date?

– Hopeless

She might not want a second date for the same reason she was OK with those aimless messages in 2013. You weren't stressed out about connecting back then, right? Something changed for you, but not for her.

As for your perfect date, she probably liked spending time with you, but not enough to rearrange her schedule. There's no reason to ask her what happened – because nothing happened. If you had offended her, she wouldn't have responded to your texts.

From the start of this column, I've quoted my friend Danielle, who doesn't believe that anyone is ever too busy to seek out what they want. But that's the point. This woman is allowing herself to be too busy for another date because she doesn't want it enough. If you need someone who'll make you – and dating – a priority, let her be and move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it worth asking what happened?