He says ‘nothing has changed’

This will be good tonight.

Last fall, I slept with my coworker after a party. We started hanging out more and more after that. It took three months for him to put a label on it and start telling his friends and family that I was his girlfriend. Before we were exclusive, we had many talks about his problems with commitment, but it didn't stop us. We were serious those first three months, kissing all the time, going to dinner, and holding hands.

It was going well until a few months ago when he got a new job with crazy shifts, meaning less "us" time. But even before that, we were hanging out less and less. Anyway, ever since he got this new job, he has become more distant.

Finally, when I asked what was happening, he said, "I'm not necessarily breaking up with you," and when I asked him what he meant, he said "idk." Then he told me to forget he ever said that. I tried, but when I saw him the next day, I cried and told him I can't just forget what he said. He assured me "nothing has changed," implying we were still together, but said he doesn't know what he wants. We decided we wouldn't have sex while he figured it out because it was making me feel worse.

When I woke up the next morning I realized that basically this makes us just friends. I'm just confused and wonder if this will go anywhere as a romantic relationship again, or if it'll just be a good relationship that becomes a friendship that evolves into two people who are just strangers. I don't know what to do or think.

– idk


You're right – this falls somewhere between a break and a breakup, and the ambiguity is the last thing you need. It's not fair for him to say "nothing has changed," because everything is different, at least for you. You're no longer getting what you want out of this relationship. He's not making you happy anymore.

Your best bet is to take some control and to end this relationship on your own terms. Let him know that if he can't be a boyfriend, he also can't expect your company. You need to take care of yourself, which means you shouldn't be waiting around, pretending you're OK.

I know it's depressing to think of him becoming a stranger, but you're getting the label wrong. He'll become an ex, which is a very different thing. He'll become someone who offered a lot, but couldn't maintain his feelings over time. It's disappointing, but it happens. The healthiest move is to accept it – even if he hasn't – and move on.

- Meredith

Readers? Is it worth waiting around?