I found the Viagra

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Dear Meredith,

My husband is cheating on me, and I didn't even have to snoop on him to find out. I've found him sneaking around to see her – co-workers and others have seen them together. He's handed me his phone in the past to show me something that he thought was amusing, and while I was looking at it, messages from her have come up asking when they're going to meet.

I have challenged him in past with all of this, and he always likes to deny it until I give him time/date/witness. Then it's the usual “I don't want to lose you” line. Because of where our kids were in school when this started, I didn't want to uproot them and cause chaos in their lives. But now they are grown and should be able to handle a divorce better than before.

The catalyst now is I found his "secret stash" of Viagra (I had found one before, in his vehicle after he told me to get something for him) while looking for some other medicine. He doesn't use it for us, trust me. He's told me that he's tried another type of medicine and it didn't work (true), so there was no sense in trying anything else. And just two weeks before this, he again gave me that line of "I don't want to lose you" when I asked how often he sees this woman on weekends.

My question is: What do you (and the readers) think would be the best way to tell him I found his stash? I thought about flushing it down the toilet, but I don't want to add to all the stuff that is already in our water supply. I thought about selling it on Craigslist, serving it to him with dinner, or mailing it to his sweetie (or her husband).

He's due to go on a business trip in a couple weeks, and while he's gone I plan on meeting with a lawyer so I can start getting my financials in order and look for a place to live. Once he's back, we'll have "the talk" and I will start building my life over.

– Finished

 


Do not waste your creative energy on a bottle of Viagra. Sure, you could come up with 1,000 ways to tell him you found it, but then what? It's actually a lot of work to sell something on Craigslist. Serving the bottle with dinner means you have to make dinner. Mailing it means spending money on postage. And you're right about the water supply – let's not mess with the plumbing.

At this point, focus on your real next steps, which include getting that lawyer and finding a new place to live. It's going to take extra time and brain power to build a new life. Plan to use all of your resources to get out of the house.

Also, use some of your energy to prepare for another "I don't want to lose you" speech, because he probably has one (or two) prepared. You need to be able to explain that the found bottle of Viagra is one of many reasons you know it's time to move on. Even if he has a legitimate reason for possessing the pill bottle, it's too late. The trust is already gone.

– Meredith

Readers? How should the letter writer talk to him about this?