Should I send another text?

I met a woman last fall. We went on a few dates over the course of a few weeks and seemed compatible. I am usually not someone to become attached quickly, but I kind of fell for her. She was very direct and a bit sarcastic (both of which I very much appreciate), and I enjoyed spending time with her. (Oh, the sex was great, too.)

She was generally busy with work, so we only saw each other about once a week, but I was smitten. I knew from the start (or early on) that she was going abroad for a few months and that this wouldn't be long-term, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. Anyway, this past spring, when she was back in town, I sent her a text to see if she wanted to rekindle, and her response was that she was, in as many words, too busy (basically, work). Always the sunny optimist, I interpreted this as "I never want to see you again," and figured I would move on. (I had just spent some time with female friends who went on about guys who couldn't take no for an answer. I didn't want to be that guy.)

It helped that a couple weeks later I wound up getting sent to work in another city for the rest of the summer. But then I started thinking about the text – that maybe I read way too much into it, and that she was in fact too busy at the time, and that it wasn't about never wanting to see me again.

I'm back in town now and have thought about sending a final communiqué basically laying it out bare: "I'm still interested. I interpreted your last text as you're not, but want to be sure. If you are – now or in the future – let me know; if not, I'll move on." I kind of want a bit of closure. But I also don't want to send a frivolous text that will make me come off as a creepy stalker guy. Is it worth sending this, or should I just move on?

– Another Text


You could send the text. I don't think it would be the worst thing in the world. But ... where does it get you? You're not going to get the final answer you need. I don't think her response will help you get any real closure.

She might give you a real rejection, but more likely she’ll tell you that she is, in fact, very, very busy. And if that's the answer, it's not good news. From the start, she didn't have much time for you. Your letter implies that the once-a-week dates were on her terms, and that you would have wanted more. At her best, she couldn't give you enough. Isn't that all you need to know?

Another way to find closure is to think about what you want in a relationship and then decide – based on your needs – that she isn't the person for you. You want someone who makes time for your company. You want someone who is excited to see you after getting back from a long trip. She is not these things. You don't need a text to tell you that.

– Meredith

Readers? Worth sending the text?