A divorce and a guest list

Hi Meredith,

I'm in the middle of planning my wedding and for the most part, it's been relatively stress-free. My fiancé and I are very excited for our big day, and surprisingly enough, this letter has zero to do with our relationship, and more to do with our guest list. A little bit of background – one of my close friends was married up until about a year ago. During the course of her marriage, my fiancé and her now ex-husband became very close friends. About a year ago, we found out that they were getting divorced. A couple of months later, we found out that she had moved on with one of our friends in our close circle while her ex was still in a lot of pain.

It is unclear whether or not there were extra-marital shenanigans prior to the divorce. However, they recently moved in together and it's clear that they intend to be together for quite some time, if not, the long haul. We plan on inviting my friend and her ex to the wedding. My question is should we invite her new boyfriend? Normally, I would say no. But he has been a close friend of ours for quite a few years, and I would really like all of our friends there to celebrate our special day. That being said, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if he shows up. It's a total toss up. Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

– Guest list


It sounds like all three of these people are part of your inner circle. It's also clear that you want all of them to have the opportunity to celebrate on your big day. That's why you should invite everybody and let them make their own choices about attendance. You don't have to seat them on top of each other at the same table, but you can make it clear that they're all welcome.

This is Love Letters, so I'm thinking about the needs of the dumped, a.k.a. your friend's ex. You and your husband should let him know that everyone is on the invite list, and to plan accordingly. You can also tell him that you'll do whatever you can to make his night as comfortable as possible. Maybe throw him a plus-one.

I've been to a wedding or two where there was another guest I wanted to avoid. I was always grateful that everybody was invited, and that the fate of my night was up to me.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they invite everybody or ask the ex about his needs?