Do we have to discuss the breakup in person?


My boyfriend just broke up with me. I had no idea why. He walked me to my car in the morning, hugged me and said "I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking up with you." I thought he was joking but he wasn't.

He said he "saw something last night," and that was the end of it. I asked him to explain, but all he said was "you [messed] this up." I left to go to work, trying to put the breakup behind me in my head. During lunch, though, he texted about why he broke up with me.

He said that after I'd fallen asleep the night before, he went through my phone and saw some phone calls and text messages from guy friends. Previously, he had asked me to block them. I simply didn't think I was doing any harm in talking to them so I ignored him.

Two days have passed and now he wants to meet up so we can talk. Should I agree to this? I love him but I don't think I did anything wrong. My phone doesn't even have a passcode because I don't have anything to hide. Please advise.

– Lost

I don't think you should meet with him.

Most of the time I support more discussion after a breakup (I enjoy attempts at understanding and closure), but you have all the information you need to move on. You love him, but you disagree about a big, important thing. He wants to set rules for your life, but you see no reason to follow them. The trust isn't there, so you must say goodbye.

For the record, you shouldn't be with someone who wants to control your friendships. I'd also say that the guy who dumps you without warning or explanation is not the guy for you. He told you that you [messed] this up? I'd say the opposite is true.

Again, if you had million questions about why he walked away, I'd tell you to get some answers, maybe in person. But I can't think of anything you need to know. You said goodbye at your car. I don't think you need to say it again.

– Meredith

Readers? Do they need to talk in person? What if he promises to change?