I am very recently divorced, with kids. As my marriage ended, I met someone from my past who was also getting a divorce, and we became very close friends. In short, we became intimate, and my husband moved up the divorce date. I'm in love with this guy and he loves me. We're really excited to have helped each other through the dark times and on to something new and special. But, of course, there is a problem.
During this time, this man has reassured me over and over that there was no one else in his life, and that he was faithful in his marriage. I have found out that he has lied. In fact, during his seven-year marriage, he carried on a long-term, five-year affair.
I'm extremely upset. He has told this woman about me and ended the affair while ending his marriage. But he has contacted her several times and has wanted to see her. I found texts he's sent to her in the last two months. He seems to be struggling with it. She loves him and tells him so. About once a week I notice that there are texts about wanting to see her, but he doesn't go because of me. Is this just them coming to terms with their breakup, since he and I got together so fast? I'm not sure what to do. I want this to work out.
– Can this work?
This is not going to work. Not now, at least. Your relationship is very new, and you're already dealing with lies, suspicion, and snooping (I assume he doesn't know you read those texts). This man made it feel safer to get divorced, but that doesn't mean he's the next love of your life. It sounds like dating him will be an experience that leads you to other possible partners. He is not the answer.
You need to get used to being divorced, to learn that you'll be OK on your own. You should also try to date some people who are truly single and ready to be with someone new. This guy is not that; he has two exes, and he's longing to see one of them.
You want to hear that this can be saved, but I don't see how. Give yourself some space to think about what you want in a partner, and remember that this man is not your only chance for happiness. In fact, it sounds like you'd be a lot less stressed without him.
Readers? Will this get better over time or should she end it?