George vs. Ringo

Dear Meredith,

I dated "George" for a little over a year. Things were great until they went sour and we ended with a nasty breakup. It was a drawn-out ending, and he really wasn't treating me right by the end of it. I am aware that I was George's first serious relationship, and he didn't take the break up well.

To add to that, too soon (re: under a week) after George and I ended things, I met "Ringo." I wasn't planning on starting anything serious after such a draining breakup with George, but life happens. About a year later, I am still with Ringo. He is wonderful, and while we have our moments, I know we are a compatible couple and are happy together. My question is: Why have I recently started to miss George? I have made a long and thorough list of reasons NOT to miss him, and there are a lot of good things on there: we had some strong differences in our values, he had anger management issues, he was rude to me when his friends were around, he (kind of?) cheated on me (made out with) with several people, etc. Why am I only just getting these "I miss George feelings" a year later? Why do I find myself comparing George and Ringo in my head and how do I stop?

One last thing: George and I still live in somewhat intertwined worlds, and I see him around a couple times a month. While I wish we were on pleasant enough terms to wave hello, he does his best to make me feel invisible. Why do these encounters fill me with a sense of guilt? Why do I even care if he says hello to me or not? I think I've left you with too many questions and not enough details, so I apologize. But I'm curious to hear what you and the readers have to say about any of this.

– Why do I miss my ex


I think it's one of two things. Or both.

Option 1: This has nothing to do with George and everything to do with Ringo. Perhaps George represents life on your own and the possibility of meeting other people. You say you and Ringo are a compatible couple, but you could be having doubts about the future. Maybe you need some time alone to figure out what you really want.

Option 2: This could be about you wanting to be liked. It's very normal to feel strange about someone avoiding you in public, even if that person is an ex who was rude to you and made out with other people. You might miss the days when George was kind to you, but that doesn't mean you miss the relationship.

I don't think this about wanting to be with George. Read those two options a few times and figure out which one speaks to your gut.

– Meredith

Readers? Option 3? 4?