He used my social media to look up another woman

About 10 months ago I met the person I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know that sounds crazy but I couldn't be more content and happier. Well, that was until there was this other woman he was obviously interested in before me.

This girl blocked him on social media (I don't know why), and he searched for her about a month ago on MY social media. Now I can't get it out of my head that he still has something for her, and it's ruining our relationship. I confronted him and he said it doesn't mean anything. He was devastated when I said I wanted to end our relationship because of this. We decided to move forward but even though he thinks we have, I haven't at all. What should I do? I just want to go back to the way things were before.

– Checking up


It shouldn't bother you that this man has had crushes on other humans. It should bother you that he used your social media account to check up on someone else. It sounds like he's sorry, but regret isn't not enough. He needs to make you understand what happened.

Has he been able to explain why he did it? Curiosity? Boredom? It's pretty normal to look up an ex on Facebook for no good reason, but what was he thinking when he brought you into the process? I know it's awkward and annoying, but you need to continue the conversation. Remind him that after 10 months, you should be able to talk like friends.

I don't know whether you'll be able to move past what happened, but this incident should give you a sense of how you deal with disclosure and conflict as a couple. You say that this man was basically your soul mate from Day 1, but that was just the initial excitement of meeting someone new. This – what you're experiencing right now – is the reality of the relationship, the part that will help you figure out whether a lifetime commitment should be on the table.

Talk it through again, and if you're confused about what to do, give it time. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out how to let things go.

– Meredith

Readers? Deal-breaker?