She was already seeing someone else

We will chat tomorrow.

Hi Meredith,

You've got one confused reader here. Back in April, I met a girl through a mobile dating app. I was new to the world of online dating and I was also new to the world of exploring a relationship with someone of the same gender. Long story short, I abandoned the app, but not before getting the number of a girl who really piqued my interest. For the sake of this letter we will call her Annie. Annie is beautiful, smart, and witty, and I was instantly intrigued by her. Although we met via a dating app, we became friends, divulging stories of relationships gone wrong, what our life goals were, etc. We exchanged texts on and off for several months before finally meeting in the fall.

When we met in person, our night out was great. Conversation flowed as naturally as it did via text, and we enjoyed each other's company – as friends. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel more after meeting her, though, and wondered if she felt what I did. We continued to text each other intermittently, but the frequency and nature of our texts back and forth began to increase last month. We would spend hours messaging one another throughout the day. She also began dropping hints that made it seem like she was interested in pursuing something more than a friendship with me. I finally got the nerve to go for it and I asked her out, as more than a friend. I was over the moon when she said yes and agreed to go on a date.

We kept it simple and just went out for dinner and then went back to her place for some drinks. The night ran its course and it was finally time for me to head back to my apartment. As I gathered up my jacket and made my way to the door, I admitted my nerves and apologized for my awkwardness in the "do I kiss her or not" moment. Before I even got the chance to make my move, she dropped a bomb. She's been seeing someone for a couple months. And while things are not defined between the two of them, the other girl has admitted that she is not seeing anyone else, leaving Annie feeling guilty about pursuing something with me and not giving her a chance. I was confused and crushed. I had let myself fall for her emotionally and had taken a huge step by asking her out. Why would she agree to go on a date with me if she knew that it would only be that – a first date? I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what signs I might have missed and how to move forward. Can we resume a friendship or do I need to walk away from whatever this was all together? I'm at a loss and looking for any advice on what to do. Impart your wisdom on me!

– Confused and Crushed


I don't know why she agreed to go on a date with you if she was already exclusive with someone else. I don't know why she didn't tell you she was dating in the first place; you guys were texting for months, which means she had plenty of opportunities to talk about her romantic life.

Clearly she has some feelings for you; at the very least, she likes your attention. But if she can't reciprocate right now, you should probably take some space so that you can reset your expectations. Let her know that if she finds herself single, she should reach out. You don't have to eliminate her from your life, but you do have to set boundaries based on the fact that she's committed to another person. Consider that status before you text, call, or make any kind of plans.

One of the lessons here is that when you meet someone on an app, even as a friend, it helps to have in-person time sooner than later. It also helps to admit feelings when you have them. (I know, I know, easier said than done.)

This one hurts, but try to be positive. You met someone you liked, and she really wanted to have a date, even though she wasn't available. There are probably more people on that app who want your company. A lot of them are single, too.

– Meredith

Readers? What happened here?