He doesn’t take me to the club

I'm a college-age letter writer, and I've been with my boyfriend for three years. I know people say it's just puppy love, but I think when you know you know (also, my parents met at my age).

I love my boyfriend, and even though things were a little complicated in the beginning (I caught him flirting by text with another girl), it's a great relationship. I'm completely loyal to him and I adore him completely, and he's told me that I make him feel the same way. He knows I take relationships seriously and behave differently than other people my age. He says he's just as serious about how he feels for me.

My problem is that he has never taken me along when he goes out with his friends, mostly to clubs. We have been out together to a club once but it was with my friends. As he gets older, he seems to wants to go clubbing with his friends more often and alone. I get such bad anxiety even though I do trust him. Am I wrong for worrying about this and wondering why we can't go out together like other couples?

My friends think it's about insecurity – that because he's a bit heavier than his friends, he fears that I'll decide that I can do better. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that when he goes out, I'm the one who’s insecure. Should I be?

– Not in the club


You say you're very serious, and that when it comes to relationships, you're not like your peers. That might work with your boyfriend, but maybe less so with a bunch of guys in a club. It's possible that your boyfriend leaves you out because he wants to hang out with his friends like someone his own age. That doesn't mean he wants to cheat, by the way. It's about how he communicates, and how that would change if you were in the room.

I'd be worried if your outings were always just the two of you, but it sounds like he's willing to hang out with your friends. You have to remember that right now, you don't have many peers who are in relationships like yours. As you get older, there will probably be more serious couples around for double dates and evenings in. You're just not there yet.

Perhaps a more immediate solution is to see if your boyfriend wants to bring a friend – just one – to a dinner or movie. Sometimes it helps to get to know one person at a time, outside of the club. It'll help you worry less about what happens inside.

– Meredith

Readers? Will this change as they get older?