I can’t stop thinking about him

We chat a little early, at 12:30 today.

I met this guy, C, two and a half years ago. At the time, I was in an unhealthy long-term relationship with someone I was living with and had known since I was a teenager. I realized I had feelings for C after ending my relationship, although I had stopped seeing C regularly at that point. It took me about six months to realize that I had these feelings because I was processing the end of my relationship.

After about a year, I worked up the courage to tell C how I felt about him. He admitted that he also liked me but was now dating someone. He then kissed me on the cheek and said something along the lines of "maybe another time."

I am still having a hard time letting go of my feelings for him and it's been nearly a year and a half since I learned about his girlfriend. We hardly see each other anymore but I often think about him every day. I never felt that I got to know C well, so it's surprising to me that I think of him this often. Initially, I chalked it up to him representing a perceived kindness or stability that I did not have in my last relationship. I still haven't dated anyone since that relationship because I am troubled by my perpetual feelings for C. Do you have any advice on how to move on from someone that I never got to know or date, or any ideas on how to let go of an idealized version of someone so I can move on with an available person? A year and a half seems like a long time to hold on to those feelings.

-Waiting


"I never felt that I got to know C well, so it's surprising to me that I think of him this often."

See, this doesn't surprise me at all. Knowing him would mean seeing all of his flaws and your incompatibilities. It's easy to fall in love with a perfect person you can rewrite in your mind whenever you feel like it.

One of the best ways to get over an unrequited crush is to spend time with real people who remind you how it feels to have good company. The more human time you have (texts aren't enough), the more you'll want a romantic partner who actually shows up. The fantasy won't be enough.

Also, sharing your status could help. You can tell people in your life that you haven't dated in more than a year, and that you could use some encouragement to take the next step. Sometimes saying this stuff out loud can help change the narrative.

– Meredith

Readers? How would you get over C?