I met a man around two years ago. He asked my colleague about me, found me on social media more than a year later, and eventually started messaging me and asked me out.
Our first date was incredible, but something didn't feel right. I did a little online research (of course) and found that he is with someone else – and that they live together. I did not tell him what I discovered.
We would see each other once a month, and if I asked, he would always say he is single. Last month, I was planning a little road trip to get out of town and relax. He said he wanted to go with me, rented a cozy apartment with a view, and we spent the whole weekend together. It swept me off my feet; no one has ever made me feel so good. Then, when he went on a business trip, he kept texting, telling me how much he missed me.
Weeks later, when I was supposed to go to his place, he told me his brother was visiting, but I saw that his girlfriend was posting Instagram stories from their apartment. I felt it was the moment I should probably tell him that I know the truth, but I couldn't say a single word. He says he wants to see me more often; he is now planning a trip to Paris for us in a couple of weeks. I can't help but keep seeing him. I know that the answer is to cut him off, stop seeing him, and move on, but I feel I can't do this.
– I can't
"I feel I can't do this."
Oh, but you can! You are very capable of doing the right thing!
If the words won't come out of your mouth, write them down. Email him telling him what you know, and let him respond.
Do not feel weird about disclosing your research. It sounds like you checked some (public?) social media pages, which isn't a big deal. His deceit trumps everything right now.
I understand that you don't want to rock the boat, and that the idea of losing him is scarier than living with the lie, but you've hit a wall and you want more. You talk about a trip to Paris in a few weeks, but what if you could see him tomorrow? At his place? Without having to worry? That's the kind of relationship you desire.
Tell him everything. Listen to what he has to say. Then listen to your gut about whether you should believe him.
Readers? Should she even ask for an explanation?