After 17 years, I’d like a sex life

I got out of a relationship in 2000 but was emotionally detached from it for two years prior.

I went on to stay out of relationships for six years, met someone and got married right after that, and we've had a sexless marriage from the get-go. Now, after having experienced some beautiful, sensual, emotional, physical, spiritual, and yes, sexual relationships in my lifetime, I have not had a good sexual relationship with anyone for 17 years. The woman I am with is the best – great friend, can't say anything bad about her – but I am ready to say goodbye to this marriage and relationship. I have been very faithful, but I have had enough.

Yes, we have spoken about this – or I should say that I have spoken about this and I get no response. Any thoughts, suggestions, responses?

– 17 Years


I don't know what you're looking for here. Validation? Permission to get divorced? I suppose we can do that.

But I'd rather advise you to get into therapy (if you haven't already) to figure out how you got here in the first place. You've spent many, many years in unfulfilling relationships. It's worth dissecting your choices so you don't wind up writing another hopeless letter about your next partner.

Therapy might be a good option for your current relationship, too. Not because I think it can be saved, but because ending a marriage is sometimes easier with third-party guidance. If your partner has trouble talking about it, ask her to come with you to get help.

- Meredith

Readers? What do you think?