He’s divorcing … but now what?

Dear Meredith,

I had a one-night stand with a married man more than two years ago. At least it should have been a one-time thing, but we started to exchange messages every day and then fell in love. I'm 27 and he is 47, but that never bothered me. We shared everything, talked on the phone, and occasionally met up, but I hated that everything was so secretive. I hated the hotel rooms and the waiting for the next time. (He lives 200 miles away from me).

He was really unhappy in his marriage but felt guilty when he thought about leaving, and couldn't decide what to do. After a year, his wife found out about me and things got worse. I was totally fed up and told him that he had to choose or I would leave. He choose to stay with his wife so I completely cut contact with him and I got really depressed. It took me seven months to be OK again.

I haven't had a relationship since then, and I think I'm not able to have one because I'm not over him at all. I don't know what came over me but I sent him a message two weeks ago, asking him how he was doing. He wrote back and told me that he and his wife are divorcing. I was shocked. I never thought it'd happen, and I know that I had a huge part in that. We text each other every day and we picked a day in June to meet and talk about things. Until then, we have time to think about it. But my question is: Could this relationship ever work or is it too crazy? I genuinely want to be with him and he wants me too, but I don't know how or where to start. I also don't know if he'll cheat on me, too. I'm really confused. Any thoughts?

– Confused


You asked for thoughts. I will try to be nice about them.

1. This man says he's "divorcing." Like, it's happening right now. But ... is it really? Do you know for sure? Please do not assume he is single. Don't assume anything about this man.

2. Maybe he is in the process of getting divorced, but if so, it's interesting that he didn't reach out to you to let you know. It's possible that he was trying to be healthy and to keep you out of his life until the separation was complete, but somehow I doubt it. I don't trust that you would have become this man's priority again if you hadn't made it easy for him.

3. If you're haunted by questions about his character – whether he'll lie, cheat, and repeat history with you – you must walk away. I believe that you fell for this guy, but sometimes we think we're more into someone than we are because of all that we've risked for them. You spent a long time wishing and hoping for this outcome. Don't confuse that longing for trust or love.

– Meredith

Readers? Any hope here?