I wanted sex, he wanted to go sightseeing

I'm in my early 30s. After many years of playing the field and being single, I met someone at the beginning of 2015 who seemed great. He was "really busy with work," so we would have these 24-hour dates and then he'd disappear for a while. Finally, at the end of 2015, he explained that he was moving a plane ride away.

That was sort of the last heartbreak I could really handle, so for all of 2016 I took a break from dating to figure out what was going on with my career. At the end of last year, though, one of my best friends happened to be moving to the city where this guy was. I wasn't planning on getting in touch, but I got an email out of him out of the blue the week before we were set to go (we hadn't spoken in over a year). I mentioned that I'd be there and that we should get a drink. He said yes, and we picked up right where we left off and had a great time. Like a nine-hour date.

We did end up having sex, and it was as great as it always was. He said he'd keep in touch. I didn't expect him to, but he did. My traveling brought me to his city again (I had a bunch of options for places I could go, and got a couple of jobs in his city). I told him I was in town and he responded immediately, and was flirting and talking about how he couldn't wait to "get between the sheets" again. I was thrilled, even if it was just temporary.

Based on our first plans to see each other, I assumed we'd have sex. Instead, we had some freaking 12-hour sightseeing excursion out into the wilderness. That's fine – we had a great time. But during the last hour of the car ride, he casually mentioned how tired he was because he'd been having sex till 3:30 a.m. – with someone else.

He's single and free to have sex with whomever he wants; that wasn't the issue. The issue is: Why did he take me on a freaking 12-hour sightseeing adventure after months of chat going in a different direction? I don't believe men and women (especially men and women who have had sex) can really be friends. Beyond that, I don't need him as a friend. I don't get why he would lead me on like that when he could have very easily gotten out of the entire thing yesterday. We live in different cities – I didn't expect anything serious, just fun and good sex. Heck, I could do without the sightseeing and just leave it at the sex. Also, I am tired of being single, and I just don't understand why I have only met one person who really stands out above the rest – with the exception of not really being in the same place as me – and what I'm doing wrong.

– Tired


My guess (and it's just a guess) is that he woke up the morning of your sightseeing adventure and thought that he might want to have sex again. He didn't cancel the day because he likes your company and wanted to keep all of his options open. As for why he took you sightseeing at all, I have no idea. Maybe he did just want to show you around.

You say you're bummed that there was no sex, and that you'd have been happy with just that. I very much believe you. But ... you also say that he stands out above the rest. Perhaps it's for the best that he spent the day giving you the 12-hour tour. It proved that not only is he not boyfriend material, he's also not your sex buddy. Now you know and can plan accordingly.

If he did become a source of reliable sex, by the way, you might be tempted to find work out there whenever possible. I'd be all for that, if that's what you wanted, but you said you're tired of being single. You're better off spending your time (and travel) on someone who can give you at least one thing you need.

– Meredith

Readers? Why the sightseeing? Now what?