He said I’m too emotional


I met a guy through a mutual friend about seven weeks ago. He lives in a different state, but we saw each other's pictures and started texting and talking on the phone. We have also video chatted and we follow each other on social media. He recently got out of a three-year relationship and has been receiving harassing texts/phone calls from his ex, so it looks like they may still be in touch.

A few weeks into talking to him, he said that when we finally meet, we should definitely not get intimate with each other right away because he wants to take things slow so we can really get to know each other. When he said this, I choked up a bit on the phone because I was moved by it. THIS freaked him out a bit. He said, "You crying on the phone has freaked me out." Then he said he does not want to meet in person yet because I am already getting too emotional.

Since then, I have brought up the idea of meeting in person a few times, but he keeps saying he is not ready to meet. Just yesterday, I brought it up again; I said we are spending all this time on the phone, and I just want to make sure that we also have some chemistry in person. If not, we are just going to be wasting our time! He snapped at me and said he wants to stop talking to me right away. My question: Was it too much to ask to meet a guy I have been talking to for seven weeks on a daily basis? I am a crier. Can guys not handle tears, and is that why he stopped talking to me? Should I reach out to him after giving him some space?

– Confused

Drop him, please.

You're not in this for phone dates. If he doesn't want to meet in person, you are wasting your time. Also, if there's already this much conflict – if he's snapping at you for a simple request – there's no reason to continue to talk. You've been getting the worst parts of a relationship without any of the good ones.

My guess is that he was going to find a reason to postpone meeting you no matter what. Yes, the crying probably made him uneasy, and without knowing you he probably jumped to a few conclusions about your level of seriousness. But that wasn't the deal-breaker. If he didn't want to meet it was because he preferred the phone. It allowed him to maintain boundaries and control. (Or to keep a girlfriend, if he's lying about that breakup.) You wanted more, so he couldn't continue.

The lesson here – which we also learned with Friday’s letter – is that if you don't meet someone quickly, you can play a lot of games in your head. Next time, make the date as soon as possible. Until you've been with someone in person, keep communication to a minimum.

– Meredith

Readers? Was this about the tears?