I met someone online back in February. He lives in a different state so my initial thought was "this won't go anywhere," but he seemed cool so I gave him my number anyway. We talked for a bit but I wasn't really interested. He wasn't my type physically, but I continued to talk to him because again, I thought he was cool. As days passed, we continued to talk more. The more we talked, the more I opened up.
Finally, we met up, and I really liked him. But something just felt ... off? The entire time he was there it felt like we had been friends forever – but just friends. After he left, I asked him if he was attracted to me and he responded, "I had a great time with you but I'm sorry, the attraction isn't there to be intimate." I responded, "I agree. I'm glad we're on the same page." We stopped texting.
But I'm going to be honest with you, Meredith. Something just didn't feel right. I missed talking to him. I started thinking that maybe I was wrong, so I sent him a Snapchat of headphones he had recommended (that I bought) and that's when I realized he deleted me. I texted him saying that I saw that he had deleted me, but just wanted to thank him for his recommendation.
He added me again and we decided to be friends. He tells me about who he dates, and even though I don't really like hearing it, I feel like him telling me makes this a real friendship. But the thought of him meeting someone else and disappearing really bothers me. But at the same time, if he were truly interested, would that even matter?
What I do know is that I'm not interested in talking or dating anyone else. Whereas he's actively dating, I've never been one to be able to do that. What am I doing?
– The girl who doesn't date
You are in love with the phone-based version of this man. You like calling and messaging him, and his constant communication makes you feel like you have a partner.
Getting over a phone love is difficult because it means abandoning the fantasy you dreamed up before you met him. It also means grieving the constant contact, which is a big thing. I've had people tell me, "I don't miss my ex – but I miss the texts." They mourn the messages and the attention. Without emails and texts (and snaps, I guess), they have to reset their whole routine.
The best way to get yourself unstuck is to delete this guy from all apps, and then set boundaries. Let him know that you need space, and that the frequent messages are probably bad for both of you. He'll get it – if he's a real friend.
You call yourself the girl who doesn't date, but the truth is that you met a man online – for romance. You don't feel great at dating, but if you read this column you know that almost no one does. The minute you delete him, get back online. Communicate with local people, and try to meet up in person – for a reality check – as soon as possible.
Readers? Phone love?