I feel better without my husband

Dear Meredith,

My husband and I have been married for several years. Very early in our relationship intimacy fell off the page (his inexplicable internal issue which he always said he'd fix) and I accepted the issue because I truly loved him. He is sweet and loyal, and gave me the attention and commitment past boyfriends had not. As the sex issue became status quo I also began seeing we are two different people. He is an introvert who is not comfortable in any social setting, lacks emotional communication, and likes to be in denial; I am a social person who relishes in joy, laughter, and great connections. Eventually I was stuck in a life that was slowly suffocating me as my inner desires began to float away.

After a few years of marriage, I finally awoke inside and realized I couldn't go on this way. We engaged in all sorts of therapy – couples, sex, individual – and it showed me I'm not living the way I need to. This past winter I decided this was the year to break the sad pattern my life had become, and I moved out a few months ago to get clarity and breathe. I am finally feeling like I used to – the happy-go-lucky girl who loves to feel joy and be with engaging people (and finding myself attracted to other men and the thought of happier future). Now the question is ... what to do with my husband who still loves me and wants to show me he can make me happy because he's had time to reflect and change?

– Free but still in limbo


Sounds like you don't want to give this another chance. Not at all. If that's the case, all you can do is tell your husband that you want to move on. You can explain that this break has made you feel like a healthier person. I might point out to him that if he feels like a better version of himself right now, he should consider why. Maybe being on his own has been best for him, too.

Sometimes it helps to return to therapy for this kind of conversation. If you're making final decisions about separation and divorce, a professional can help with the uncomfortable questions and complicated answers.

This is also a time to call on close friends and family. I get that he's an introvert, but if he has one or two close friends who can hang around during this process, it'll help define your role as ex, as opposed to partner.

Do this sooner than later. It sounds like he's the one in limbo.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she give this a second chance?