I feel excluded by his female friend
Two events: Tonight, a podcast mixer where we'll talk about books, with drinks. Thursday, a talkback after a play about reunions and love. Please join.
I started dating a man a couple weeks ago and everything seems to be on the right track (considering how short of a time it's been). We have a lot in common, laugh together, communicate well, have great chemistry, etc. However, he lives with a female friend. They're also in the same graduate school program so they spend a lot of time with each other.
The few times the three of us have been together, I have felt excluded. They'll speak in a different language even though I can't participate (they're both native speakers), talk about people I don't know from school, and laugh at their personal inside jokes – always initiated by her. She hasn't been warm to me, but also hasn't been outwardly rude. I don't know if it's intentional. I've asked about their relationship and he said she's like a sister to him and that he generally has very close female friends. It still feels like I might be stepping in the middle of something though, even if it's just that she is possessive of him. I feel like it's too soon to mention my feelings because I don't want to appear crazy or jealous.
We agreed to keep touch over the summer, including a couple weekend visits (he won't be too far away), and see if something more serious develops when he returns. If their friendship brings an uncomfortable dynamic to our relationship, though, I'm wondering if it's better to walk away now before things might get more complicated. I'm in my late 20s so I'm not looking for any drama at this point in my dating life.
– Third Wheel
Please give this more time. You've only been dating this man for a few weeks, which means you know very little about his friendships. Sometimes it takes people a while to warm up to their friends' significant others. You can't expect this woman to abandon inside jokes and easy communication just because a new person is at the table.
See if you guys develop your own inside jokes this summer, and think about whether he's good company when you're alone – because that's the most important thing right now. Every time you feel threatened by this other woman, ask yourself whether you communicate similarly with your own platonic friends.
Also consider where you are when you're feeling excluded. If you're in their home and it's an unplanned block of social time, please give her a break. She's relaxing where she lives and has no obligation to be "on" with you.
Readers? More time?
"I think you are right to be aware of the situation, but it seems like its too soon to bring it up just yet after only a few weeks. I also think its too soon to walk away completely. I certainly wouldn't walk away without having the discussion with him about why/how this is bothering you to see how he reacts. You should at least give him the chance to understand your perspective and make a change." – sexual-chocolate