I just wanted a second opinion here because I'm feeling really clueless. I've been talking with a guy for a couple of weeks. We texted everyday and all day, and he even tagged me in posts on Facebook before we met. We played online games together, and when we were talking on the phone once, he mentioned my name to his friends. Based on all of that, I thought he wanted more than sex.
After a few dates, we did have sex, and then his behavior instantly changed. He was more distant. Unavailable. I asked him what was wrong and he said, "I had so much fun, but I like being alone, and I feel bad for taking it too far the other night because I'm not like that." It didn't feel like a clear answer.
Like, I know that something changed, or maybe he wanted it to be this way all along? What put him off? I swear I wasn't asking for a big commitment or taking about true love to someone I'd only known for just few dates. My questions are: Do you think there's something I did that put him off? Or was this always his plan? If I ask for more information, will I look too needy?
Well, this happens. Sometimes, after sex, people who do not like commitment go out of their way to show you that the act did nothing to bring you closer. They want to make sure you understand that when it comes to their profile in the world, they are still very much single and not attached to you.
It does not feel good to be on the other side of this behavior. It's awful. But do not assume you did anything to put him off. It sounds like this is about him, not you.
As for whether this was always his plan, who knows? I mean, you can ask – because there's nothing to lose – but don't expect to get a clear answer (he's not the most reliable source right now). It'd be more productive to reject this behavior and let him go on your terms. Because that's what you know – that he no longer deserves your attention.
Readers? Was this his plan? Did she do anything wrong?