Strung along and ghosted

I met this guy online and we decided, mutually, that we wanted a friends-with-benefits kind of deal. The first couple of months were fun; we went out to dinner, cuddled while watching TV, and had some sex. It was all good. He'd call or text during the week. Then something changed. He was suddenly busy all of the time. He never had time to see me, and the calls and texts tapered off.

I'd ask him to call, and he'd say "right after I finish this" ... but then no call. Eventually I texted him and basically said that I thought we'd been on the same page, and that I wasn't sure what had changed. I even said, "If you are no longer interested, just tell me and I'll move on." Super simple solution! He texted me back asking if he could call me after work. Then he explained that a bunch of things were going on in his life, and he was sorry for not letting me know.

For a few days, he went back to texting again – but then nothing. I don't mind that a friends-with-benefits thing is over, but what annoys me is that he would he string me along. What's the point? I gave him an easy out; all he had to do was say he wasn't interested, and that would be that. Why string me along and then ghost me?

– Strung along


Some people – many people – are not good at ending relationships. They'd rather disappear than say uncomfortable, hurtful things.

In your case, its extra confusing because you guys decided to call this a friends-with-benefits relationship even though you'd just met online. The FWB label implies that there's some real F (friendship). People who've been friends for a while are better equipped (in theory) to talk to each other about difficult issues – including when to let go. You guys don't have that kind of history.

I'm not excusing his method of breaking up; he should have told you it was time to move on. But from the beginning, you weren't clear about what this was and how you were going to keep it casual. You're upset because you started to see real potential – until it went away.

Know that his method of ending this means he's not the kind of communicator you need, and that he's better with the B than he is with the F. Now you know.

– Meredith

Readers? What do you think?