‘This dad-bod goofball seemed like the man of my dreams’

Haven't we all had a "guys with six-packs and big trucks" phase?

Oh Meredith,

Seven years ago I met this guy. He was funny, charming, and we had tons of mutual friends, and he expressed an interest in dating right away. Well, I was in a different kind of phase (guys with six-packs and big trucks), and let's just say that this guy was not physically my type whatsoever, so I turned him down. (Yes, I was the worst.)

We remained really close friends for a few years. He had a long-term girlfriend for some of that time, but sometimes I would (embarrassingly) make out with him at the bar. It seemed harmlessly on my end – still no romantic involvement.

One random night this past winter, we met up with some of his friends, and our drunken kissing turned into something that lasted all night. All of a sudden this dad-bod goofball seemed like the man of my dreams, and I was hooked. Ironically, he was in the "I've been so hurt by my past relationships" phase (he's been cheated on, etc.), so he was like, "I'm gonna do the Match thing and date everyone and anyone, and I don't want anything serious." But because I'm the "I can fix that!" type of girl, I hung around.

It was really casual for a bit, but it slowly became more serious. For the past five months or so, we've spent most of our free time together. I've also spent a lot of time with his child. We do EVERYTHING together, everyone thinks we are dating – except for him. He still stands by the "I don't want a relationship" line.

Finally, though, I woke up and realized he won't commit. So I walked away. I told him (while he was at work, unfortunately) that I know he will never feel about me the way I feel about him. His response: "I don't really want to get into this at work, I'm sorry I'm hurting you, never wanted to, I said that from the start." My response: "I understand, and I apologize for the timing, but we honestly don't have to get into it at all because there's not much else to say. I hope you find what you're looking for someday."

After that, there was no response. He didn't call. I guess there's nothing more for him to say. But it was so hard to walk away from someone I love. I'm left feeling broken, like he doesn't care at all? Will I ever hear from him again? Or should I even care if I do?

– Hurt


You might hear from him – or not. Regardless, you can be angry and grieve the relationship.

Try not to punish yourself for your "I can fix that!" instincts. In this case, you weren't trying to fix anything, really; you just wanted to find out whether he might change his mind. It makes perfect sense that you stuck around to see if it could be more. When you didn't see any movement, you knew it was time – and had the courage – to walk away.

I assume you told us about the rocky start to this relationship because you fear that your wishy-washy behavior and irresponsible make out sessions contributed to this ending. Maybe that's what happened, but don't make any assumptions.

If you take anything from this experience, let it be the knowledge that you're ready to treat someone well, and to find a person who wants to be a partner. You're no longer prioritizing six packs, and you'd rather have a real connection than kiss someone at a bar. That’s a big discovery, and now you can go looking.

If you hear from him, you can listen. But you said it best: "There's not much else to say."

– Meredith

Readers? Any words to help her get over this?